Exam Week VS Assignment

Haaa...

That's why don't procrastinate! Now it's exam week and I'm still struggling to finish a long-delayed assignment. In your face, Azam! =.=

Been feeling a bit low this couple of days, feeling like growing old having the back-ache, head-ache, bad cough and weakness. My feet also hurt. Aiya~almost puked today but fortunately I didn't.

Now fighting to finish my last assignment( for a subject, got 3 assignment altogether. Yeah, I'm so bad).

So, see ya. Probably will not gonna write for a long time.

The Invisible Key

Maybe I was creating my own imaginary giant along my path. Maybe I put a giant statue I got from Easter island to cross the road I chose to take. Maybe I chopped the tree in the jungle just to block my way to get out of it. Who knows right? Maybe I was finding my own excuse not to do well, maybe I was too busy doing unnecessary things until I forgot what the whole point of going to the university is. There are a lot of maybes. A lot of excuses we can create in life. But excuses we made are only to be followed by 'what if'.

'What if I took the semester seriously?'

'What if I concentrate in class, took notes, ask a gazillion questions to the lecturers?'

'What if I explore the extraordinary ideas I have in mind than to keep it shut and rot?'

'What if I go find books and play with other people's ideas and turn it to my own?'

and

'What if I work hard?'

All of the questions might get answers. But the answers are all regrets. How do we take regrets is a different thing.

I want to quote Sue Sylvester from Glee, she said something like this; there's no different in hearing people cheering in the stadium or get teased in the crowd. They're just making noises. How you take it is important.

My point is, whatever the situation is, either you failed yourself, or you pushed the limits and get the stars, it is up to you to go on and on. Some people who get things right will never stay right. Sometimes to went left and down the hierarchy, back to being poor again. Some people failed so many times but yet at the end they rise up to the top being crowned the King.

We heard stories, maybe from our parents, and teachers, or probably in some flyers, of the internet; stories about successful people and how it motivates us to succeed. Somehow the stories of genius people who actually develop and atomic bomb inspire us to be a scientist? Or perhaps stories of a very brave man saving a little kid trapped in a fire inspire us to be fireman? Or maybe having a mother with cancer inspire us to be a doctor? But does it reflect who we truly are? Are we being somebody because of somebody else? Are the external factor involved in making who we are?

My second point is that, if we want to be something, we need to choose to be that something. We can't just want to be something, but never choose it. It's like, oh yeah, I want to read Harry Potter, but I choose not to(but of course I read Harry Potter. This is just an example!).

I didn't mean to judge or criticize anybody. This is purely and innocent thoughts. I respect those who have made their choices, and never regret their choices. But to those who felt down of the choices they make, this is not the end of the road. There is no giant statue, or fallen trees, or a giant on your way, they're just something you make up. That is to me, something I make up by myself in my head. It is normal for people to bend down on their knees, succumb to failure. But getting back to the feet, even a little is called improvement. I heard a lot about improvement. They said the biggest room their is, is the room for improvement. Take it or leave it. But it's always there, getting ready to be open by you. Yes you. I might as well open mine.

That's it people.

The key is in your hand. Invisible from your very sight. But twist your mind to see it. :D

Motivation And Desire

I reflect myself now and then, every hour, choosing what kind of person I wanted to be. To me motivation is just an external factor which will help you only a little, but desire is the best to reach the destination. People or posters or talks or seminars can motivate you to do, but shut them down form your mind, can you do it? But desire, desire is a powerful tool. Desire not all are bad. Yes true some stumble because of desire, some wanted too succeed, but when desire controls them, to achieve success they'll do whatever it takes to achieve it, regardless of the methods; good or evil way. However, if we have control over our desire, sure we can achieve what we want, who we wanted to be in a good way.

Do I get the motivation? Yes I do. When I watch inspirational movies, I feel so good, so energetic, so enthusiastic like I can turn the world upside down if I wanted too. But a few minutes after the movie is over, I'm already transpired. Motivation gone. Do I have the desire? Desire for what? I have the desire to succeed in my field, but to tell you the truth, my desire too succeed is not enough to make me wanted to put effort to it. So, what's the solution? Is there any solution to this? Some kind of medication, like medication given to people with ADHD to let them more focus even for a while?

It's not that I don't know the answer to this. Of course I damn well know the answer. Go back to God. Go back to Allah, pray hard, pray for Him to instill the burning passion to succeed, pray for Him to straighten the path ahead, pray for Him to make life easier. And the rest is upon me.

Friday The.......

I've done my part presenting my work. Not entirely finished but all my drawings are there. Only not fully coloured. I am rather disappointed. I was fast at the beginning of the process, but my momentum slowed down towards the end. I thought I can finish all my drawings by Sunday last week, but being me I like to procrastinate. I'm not proud of it guys, so don't-no, never procrastinate. And as for me, try not to procrastinate.

My presentation was very weak, I prepared nothing aside from the drawings, which is not really good. If only I could have done better at verbal, at explaining and defending my idea, maybe I would feel a little bit satisfied. But I guess my eyes were too heave, my brain couldn't think straight, and my body was weak out of hunger, that effects my performance. I always get ready before my presentation, with papers or book in my hand, but this time, no. Definitely empty hand except for a pen in my hand, and my voice was shaking for a bit. And when asked by the lecturer, I was being humble, pushing the urge to strike back and listen to what he says. Well, sometimes being the first to present has its ups. Mine was only one lecturer evaluating me. I'm not saying it's good. In fact, the more lecturer there is the more 'input' you get from them or, you know, got bombarded. Either way, I like it only one lecturer evaluating.

Tomorrow's gonna be another presentation. I don't really like this one. 'Don't really like' is an understatement. I hate this one. We call it 'leaders**t'. Yeah, it was Leadership and Management classes assignment. No one like it I guess. Especially us. Being squeezing time with project and replacement classes and that assignment, which most of us took lightly, it drives me mad sometimes. But nevertheless, I don't want to fail for a 0.5 credit-hour class.

So, I'm gonna go watch six more presentation.

See ya.

A Walk In The Park

I would have gone to Paris, or London right away if I were in movies. Or I would have just walk in the park alone, seating at a bench somewhere overlooking a green lawn open to running kids, and parents watching them happily on a square blanket. I would have laugh seeing them stumble upon their own feet and cry, and then the parents came and calmed them. I would have seen some old married couple walked hand in hand, though slowly, but that is history in the making for them. I would have gotten some soccer ball accidentally kicked towards me, and I kicked it back to them and heard a very faint 'thank you'. I could have stroll along the lake, see a few man on the bikes, a few adult women who are trying to lose weight jogged and I greeted them. Maybe saw a man rushed and looked at his watch over and over again and whispered I'm late, I'm late all the way.

I would have been very glad to see that. Maybe took my mind off things like work, like drawings. Not that I'm telling drawing is stressful, no, not at all. But doing work is stressful at some point. And since I can't go anywhere but stayed in the studio all the time. I write it out, I write my vision of what I wanted to see to calm myself down from all the work.

I always picture myself walking alone in the park.

I don't know exactly why a park. Not the beach, not the shopping mall. But the park. Maybe even my subconscious feeling leans toward being a landscape architect. And I hope I made it.

What do you picture when you got stressed out?

Attention Studiomates!

Only three days left, than it's final presentation for the third project a.k.a final project for the semester. My progress is a bit slow, I have a few more drawings to complete, then it is all about colouring, which I am not very fond of. I'm not a good colourer(ooo...is there a word for this?).

Seeing my friends work really hard, it makes me feel good, if they work hard, I'm gonna work harder. Thanks guys, you're my inspiration.

This is just a quick update. Just felt like saying a few updates.

And yes, to my studiomates, there will be no day classes on Wednesday, but we have one at night, and one more Friday night this week and Monday night next week. It's Planting Design classes and please prepare assignment 3 progress for part 1 and part 2. Attendance is compulsory. :D

Good Luck.

IMY Mom, Dad

I am speaking as a child again for tonight. In this post. Final presentation is coming up, the atmosphere is getting tense. I find it difficult, hard to live in. And I just wish I have someone by my side so I can hold their hands, so I can hug them and let them whisper to me, 'Everything's going to be fine'.

I imagines, if my young life hasn't been spent mostly away from my parents, maybe my life would turn a bit differently. I was 13. I know nothing of living away from my parents. Even when I was 12 my mom do all the things for me, iron my shirt for school, and if I was not force to stay at my school's dormitory, my mom would have comb my hair till then(I was wearing songkok that year because I don't exactly know how to comb my hair, true story :D).

Maybe I missed a lot of things. A lot of kids would have been more happy to be spending their lives with their parents at younger years, and when they cried, there will be someone to pat their back, tell them everything is going to be alright, and if they got out with mischief, they should be ashamed(or not, depends on what kind of parents they have, and no, I'm not being judgmental, but yeah sometimes things go that way). Okay, I was 13 when I went to a boarding school, I thought I would be happy. I was clearly wrong(though I had some fun there, makes some friends, but I do think about my family a lot).

I faced difficulties most of the times in my five years of secondary school. I do miss my mom asking me, 'Is your homework done? I wanna see it'. I wished she would ask me for my exam papers and checked how much I get, what question I answered wrong, and do I know the answers now. I wished that I could see my dad's face when I told them I got A for science. But I don't. I don't have that opportunity as a kid, and I don't have the opportunity to do it now. I'm bigger now. Almost an adult(almost okay). But my longing to be treated like a child from my parents is still what I hope for. Sometimes I just wanted to call them, and then cry hard like a baby wishing they would support me, and encourage me to do my best, the best I can. But I can't. I just can't.

I know a lot of you have very strong bonds with your parents. I adore you for that. That is what I want. I do hug my parents, everytime when I will be going away for a long time. I kiss their hands and hug them and tell them it won't be long, and after a few month I'll be back. That is all I can do.

Please value your parents.

Planning

Sometimes, or most of the times, you feel lonely. You feel like living alone, although you have people around you. You say you need someone else. Someone, who you sought after for a bit of care and love(as if parents are not enough). It's normal. You need a partner. And what you need to accompany your partnership is a storyline, a storyline so romantic you feel like you're in a movie. You want to sit under a big tree, the bright sun streaming down while you play under the shadow. The leaves of the tree fall sometimes when the wind blew. Oh man, I'm just imagining it for myself I guess.

Sometimes I wanted my life to be choreographed.

With a script ready in my mind, just waiting for the pre-arranged timing then I said it, act it out.

Then the director compliment me, he said I did awesome and said it felt so real.

Picture perfect. Awesome lightings. Nice background scene, maybe during fall in London, or spring in somewhere in Ireland.

I just wish someday I can show my romantic appeal, to 'the chosen one'. The side most people didn't know I have(let alone see it! hahaha)

But life, as much as you plan it. Even if you planned everything from your birth day to your death, it isn't going to be exactly like you want. Some lives are short, while others are long. I considered 20 years is long(I'm 20). And when I reminisce of my past, I've change so much. So much I felt like a totally different person. My present is a total stranger to my past. Back to my point, you can plan; but God is forever in power.

When I was a kid, I never knew someday I'm gonna take Landscape Architecture, when my teacher asked what is my ambition, I said, doctor, teacher, fireman, prime minister, some of those stuff, when I get older, into secondary school, I told myself I'm gonna be a pathologist, a coroner, a lecturer then a film director, and I end up choosing to be in the design world.

I didn't regret my choice.

What's your choice?

There's A Way To Be Good Again

'There's a way to be good again'.

I have read 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. The book was splendid. The line above was my favourite part of the book. Rahim Khan said that to Amir in a letter he sent to the latter. I never thought Rahim Khan would have that powerful line because he was not much of a told character in the book, to me he was just Amir father's good friend. But then, he was the one who said to Amir, 'there's a way to be good again'.

I believe in it.

I believe there is a way to be good again.

Right now I'm dead inside.

I know the exact path I should take.

I know what to avoid.

I know what I need.

I know what I have to do.

But then again,

I'm not exactly sure when to hit the 'START' button.

When to set my car gear to 'DRIVE'.

When to running, even after the gun shot.

When to start jumping into the pool, even after the whistle blow.

When to smile, even after the photographer counted to three.

Some people blame on fate. Blame on God because they say He set it that way. But I don't. I know everything happens for a reason, and I can change my fate IF I wanted to. The question is not whether I want it or not, but how much I want it. Everyone has a big opportunity to be good. Everyone. From a murderer who may have murdered a hundred lives, to a little boy who may have wrote 'I hate you' to a friend; everyone has the space to do good.

Do good.

Now And Then

Actually, I have a lot of swear words in my mind right now, buzzing inside my head, trying to get out from my mouth. But up till now, I still manage to hold it inside, trying to push it far far away. If possible, in the dumpster where it belongs. Than some unlucky people will be fortunate not to hear me cursing. I have no intention to right it here as well, so, this post is still readable even for kids. :D

It's been a long week last week, and this week will be just the same. I still have the passion to be a landscape architect(and oh I will be!). But I might have, just a little tiny bit of dislike of going to the studio(especially during studio hours). I'm not saying that I will never go to the studio after this, it's just that maybe going to the studio is not as much fun as it was before.

I see everyone was tense. And tense right now is different from before. Last semester even when we were very tense, had a lot of work to do, but we manage to put up a smile, cracked-up with a few jokes, took pictures of us doing stupid things. But now it was all gone. It's like a sad winter. Cold and blank. No merriness. Just dense tense.

I don't know if it happens to the others, but from what I saw, yes, it's gone. I don't know if ever we're gonna find the happiness we felt last semester again afterwards. I just hope that for the next semester, we will get back what we have lost; the joy, the fun of doing work.

Till then.

Cheers(if you can, you're lucky so don't waste it).

I hope to be this happy again.

Tea And Notes

Hi guys!

I had fever for the past two days, and it is not cool! Monday was a bad-ass one, and I had to stay in bad because I was too weak to move, but nevertheless, here I am, as good as anyone can be!

I have an announcement to make, I am excited to tell you guys about this, it's about 'Tea And Notes'. What's that about? Well, it's my new blog, tehdannota.blogspot.com! It's in Malay, I thought it would be pretty cool to have another one just so I can write in malay and share much more things with you!

This blog however will not be put to rest, but I'm thinking of putting up a few of my writings to share. I have a lot to share with you guys. I've been writing on and off now, so maybe you can can give comments later on and see how I can improve with your help.

Off for now, see you soon. :D

Moody

My fingers hasn't been active typing or writing anything for quite a while. Use to idiom, 'too many cooks spoil the broth'? If you are, try 'too many work spoils your mood'. True? Not true?

HAPPY EID MUBARAK

I haven't been posting anything since I went back for Raya vacation. It's not too late to wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin. Most of us are so happy that raya has finally come, most of us celebrate it with our families. However, we should never forget about those are less fortunate, those who have lost their family members, or others who didn't go back to celebrate with their families for reasons.

I have nothing much to say this time.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

HAPPY EID MUBARAK. :D

Green-eyed Monster

It is often happen that, your friend did much better than you are, and you felt jealous bout it. There is nothing wrong though about being jealous, as long as you have full control over that feeling. Jealous can be very helpful sometimes, but without control, jealous can be dangerous. It leads you to envy(hasad). How is jealous ever be good for you? Here's how. When you saw your friend did well, be it in drawings, designing, running, acting, in academic whatsoever, you should use your jealousy as a catalyst for yourself to improve, to be up to your friend's level or better than he or she is. So, no worries about being jealous. It's natural, and it's harmless when you know exactly how to deal with it.

The next question is, how can jealousy be dangerous? First, when you see your best friend got number one in class, you were number two. You got beaten by him or her. You feel like you're no longer the best, you wanted to always be on top but he or she beat you. You are jealous of him, now getting all the congratulations and praises. Then you hated them, you don't want to be friend with them, you spread words around, like they cheated in exams. What become of you two then? Enemy?

Some says jealousy are hard to conquer, it really depends on you yourself, how to evaluate it. If you mean 'conquer' by suppressing the feeling itself(which to me is very impossible), then yes it is hard. But if you mean 'conquer' by controlling it wisely, then it is not hard at all. The important key is you value others more than yourself, but at the same time, you evaluate yourself on what need to be improve.

My friend is a better designer than I am, a better student, good at drawings, and colouring. Am I jealous? Yes I am jealous of what he's capable of. But it doesn't mean that I'm gonna struck a knife down his throat or spread lies or ignore him for the rest of my life. It actually help me to be a better person. I learn from him as at some part he learns from me. Do you know a jealous person is called by Shakespeare a 'green-eyed monster'? Do you want to be a green-eyed monster? Value your relationship with others, and that will help you get through jealousy. And in the end, you like being jealous, you like to compete in a healthy race with your friends, or others surrounding you. :D

p/s-I joke with my friend if I'm jealous. It's a good thing though, for as much as all the crappy things I said to him, I'm actually proud of him. :D

Danny

This is my first trial to draw comic strips. I like to draw very much. My sketchbooks are full of drawings, even though they're meant for taking notes in the first place. But my hands can't hold off the 'burning passion' inside of me.HAHAHAHA.What burning passion? XD

This is just for fun, just to comfort myself sometimes.

So guys, enjoy 'Danny'.

p/s--I tried very hard to make him as cute as possible, so if you see him look different in the future, you know why. :D

No Reason To Be Quiet About It

It's been a while since my last post. Have been busy lately. With busy scheduled, every second counts. Every second wasted feels like losing a dime. Imagine wasting an hour for nothing worth it? Aiya~

Today morning was supposed to be presentation day, but most of us didn't finish our work. What's the problem really? Is it time? Too little time, or too much time wasted? Or is it just us, being lazy? Oh man, at one point I'm a bit frustrated of myself. This has been trending in our studio. I cannot blame my friends. I cannot blame the lecturers. I see all of them work really hard on this project, but there must be some thing missing that made us really really slow worker. Maybe it's true what our studio master said;

'I see you work hard, but you didn't work smart'

And just how the h**l is working smart?

I was so psyched earlier this semester, my intention was to break the walls in front of me, to reclaim back pointers I'd lose. I want to put up a fight for what's good for me. But it's like one thing after another. Last year, studio feels like home, it's a really inspiring place to be, seeing friends really drilling on the drafting table pouring their thoughts into the design. If last year we had a very good time, knowing each other better through times we spend all day and night in the studio, this year it's gone. The studio is locked from 11 pm until morning, and even weekend if you don't get the official permission(and that is through submitting forms, my God!).

I wont blame this either, but I think at some point, mutual understanding is important among students and the officers. Students(especially design students) need a proper place to do their work(drafting etc.) that is the studio. And if we ever need to get back to the mahallah(or hostel, in case you don't have a clue) at 11 every night, do consider supplying each and one of us a drafting table in our room for a change. I'm not saying that this is a major problem, but this is indeed a distraction. Just imagine when you were so caught up doing your work and all of a sudden some one switch off the lights, how do you feel? Feel good? Definitely not.

I heard this matter was already taken to the higher level in the faculty, but then shut. I don't know why. I guess we need to be more persuasive. Mutual understanding. For whatever reason they come up with this ruling, I hope it is not from general conclusion from the behavior of one or two students(i.e. one students sleeps in the studio, then all studio got shut).

When there are a lot of work to be done, with studio locked, this happens. Troubling isn't it?

Here Comes Ramadhan

Ramadhan has finally arrives. With both my hands open, I welcome Ramadhan back. The month of blessings and opportunity to do more good with more rewards. Are we going to grab the opportunity? Or are we gonna let it go that easily? This year I want to be better than last year, how much better? I think I'm just gonna leave it at that, not gonna elaborate more.haha..

Guys, have a good Ramadhan, fill it with good deeds and good things, remember, the Syaitan might be chained, but not your desire. Fighting your own desire would be hard as well, so take this month as a very very open opportunity to learn how to control it. And fasting is not only about not eating and drinking in the day until Maghrib, but also to observe other things as well, your eyes need to fast, your ears, your mouth, basically everything.

So, Happy Ramadhan and Happy Fasting! May this month brings you more blessing from Allah. :D

Perseverence

Alhamdulillah. This week is finally over(counted until Friday because classes end that day :D). With all the redo-s to do, as well as choir practice, and other assignments, it's a totally busy week. Again. But I think we did great. Thanks to group efforts. Without it, nothing will ever be accomplish, especially when we work in a group.

We didn't win the competition, not in top 3, I think we got no.7 and 8, something like that. But it's fine, because it's fun. With very limited time to practice, I think we already did our best to pull the songs together. I'd tried to upload the video up here, but it's a long wait to upload. so, check my fb page, I'll try to put it there. :D

Wife Material

I come to think, all this while, this is a time to stop playing around, get into serious stuff, things like that. But I never really did that.

I saw a friend wrote about some serious stuff, I like her opinion. And I want what she wants. I know time in university is suppose to be used for learning, but not necessarily only formal education. Some things can't be learn from book, some things need to be gain from experience, from doing things beyond just normal curriculum, or even co-curriculum prepared by the university. We learn things from everything that happens around us. Everyone knows that.

Do you know what I want? I am not afraid to tell you. I want a wife. A good wife. Who will guide me, and I'll guide her. I will protect her, and I want her to protect me too. She, who accepts me and my family, and I will always accept hers too. And she will want to compromise, as I would like to compromise. She will bring our children, as I will forever do. She who loves me, as I will forever love her. And she who promise to bear with me in whatever happens, good or bad, as I will forever bear with her till the end of time.

I didn't mean to sound romantic or anything, but that is the truth. That is what I want. I might look small and immature, but I am that kind of person.

Understanding

Perfectly fits.

Destined.

Sometimes it takes time just to grasp the idea.

I know I do.

However,

a few brief moments change everything.

It's like a catalyst.

It speeds things up.

I understand. I get the idea.

It's not rocket science.

But even science sometimes fails to describe what human feels.

It's time to let some things go.

For good now.

It's a choice we people make.

I make.

It's not giving up.

It is called understanding.

At One Point....Virus

What's the point of writing when the only inspiration you have has gone, and for all you know, it will never come back? The inspiration is like gas, it will allow a car to move, and without it, the car won't. I know it's not a perfect metaphor, but picture just think about it. What if you saw something, some idea, that could have been yours, but then someone raise his hand in class, tell the whole class about the idea, and you felt rather upset. That could have been yours to tell. What do you feel? And what about just leaving things behind? Let it bury in piles of memories, never to be recalled, and remembered. But somehow, a virus came creeping up in the system and keep re-running those specific memories over and over again that is so out of your hands, that your mind can't even control. Or should I say, your mind can never control it. There's no anti-virus to it. No antibiotic, no insulin, no pills, no nothing. It nags you in your sleep, and while you ate you can feel it distantly. Out of sight, but distant.

Memories in our head, are not like those files we can save and delete whenever we want. As much as we want to forget, the more permanent it became. And the harder you try to remember, you can't even connect a single thread, you can't solve a single puzzle. Funny how things work sometimes. But all you have to do is smile about it, pretend it never happen. Problem solve? No. It's like eating painkillers. The pain is there, you just don't feel it. Not yet. but when the effects are gone, it came creeping back on you. What do you do? Take another one? That's just a pathetic way to destroy life. Keep pretending things didn't happen as it is, it will ruin you from the inside. it's like pumping air into a flat tire, forcing the air into it, but even when it's already full, you just keep filling in, it gets bigger and bigger and it blows. Overblown. Overfilled. Overload. Whatever it is you name it. Same goes with human. One day you say it's okay, it's fine, but the next day, you can't stand it even for a second.

Human, technically are complicated. You have all this systems, goes all over your body, I studied a bit of biology a few years back I think I pretty much know the complexity of a human body. But what even more complicated than that is their minds and feelings, in which, if we're not a psychic or a douche-bag who pretends to know or to care, we can never penetrate that thick, invisible barrier. You can look happy but inside you're torn in pieces. You can cry, but really, you are happy to receive all the sympathetic looks people gave you, and the 'are you okay's, and 'how are you doing's. Human can be so pretentious. I did that too, if I'm bored. But most of the time I am like a safe-lock.

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I guess I'm pretty much overload of all the data. In just a few days, I'm already overcapacity. My head couldn't handle a single file. Too big. Viral. It keeps playing in my mind and never letting go. What to do? Let's just transfer a bit of virus in here. If it spreads, my bad.

Taaruf

Phew, done with landscape taaruf day. alhamdulillah. although there are some things didn't go as planned, but nevertheless, I personally think it turned out quite ok. I have fun, I think most of us have fun, and we definitely get along fine, so it's a success right? It's taaruf days anyway, and it is for us to bond, landscape students' style. :D

I think the most memorable activity would be the night walk. I think I understand a little bit about being blind. And if I found it hard to walk in dark(I'm night blind) even with your eyes wide open, picture all the blind people in the world and how they cope with their lives?

And this morning we had jungle trekking. Nice. we went to the waterfall, and since the girls got to play there(and they need privacy from guys too), so we went somewhere else, where the water is deep enough for us to do cannonball(if we like, which I don't). What a walk. I'm pretty much tired. I needed sleep.

Fight For Or Go With The Flow

Decisions. Most of the time in life we've got to make decisions. Some are important, some might not be. Some can save lives, some can change the lives of many others, some can lead to good things, while some others pull us nearer to Hell. What do you think, what do you have in mind when comes to making decision? What are the options? Are always options be like; 'you can be happy, but then you'll die', and it's pair, 'you can live, but you'll never be happy'. And if the option like 'you can be happy, and live' happens, then 'you'll never be happy, and you'll die' also exist.

I must say this have everything to do with my life, where most of the times I need to make decisions, but I didn't because instead of options, I only wanted to see one option; that is NO option. And yes, I didn't hate being given many options, it's just that I didn't like dealing with so many possibilities with different outcomes. I just watched Eclipse, and it's her decision to pick Edward over Jacob. And it's her decision too, wanting to become a vampire. And as in me, I never wanted to win her back. I never fight back. The options I see was 'I fight I lose' and 'I didn't fight I lose'. I guess I knew the outcomes, and picking the easy way out is just the way I am. Do I feel like wanting to fight? I do. I really do. But what for? I might as well live with what I choose to do, and just go with the flow. Let the world run its course. I do that instead. It's fine now anyway. I just have the thought the write about after Eclipse! :D

p/s-I think it's pretty good despite the fact that my friends said it's boring. :D

The Commencement

I am happy to be back here in IIUM. I'm so happy to meet my friends and the lecturers, and I am eager to learn. As always, new resolutions for this semester--whether I can achieve what I want or stumbled down the road, it's really is up to me now. Current CGPA is not very good, so I really really need to get back on track, do the best I can do especially in design class(since it carries the highest credit hours), at least B+ this semester(well of course I would want to achieve higher than that, but I want to be humble OK?hahaha). I think with new awesome lecturers(previous year's lecturers are always awesome btw :DDD so no offence!), I'm really hoping(and targeting) for good grades. :D

My room is good, I got a big room for myself(suppose there is another one, but he slept in other room in other block, so, thinking the room belongs to myself is nothing offensive I guess :D). And it look rather livable compared to the first time I stepped in there(I rather not describe it to you :DDD).

So, here I am, back in IIUM. And to other IIUMians(Gombak campus especially, new and old students :D), welcome and welcome back! Enjoy your stay here and learn as much as you can!

Books And Temptations

Temptations!!!

We're easily tempted.Because human have desires, built-in.

Sometimes we didn't know.

I was tested yesterday.

Not with the flashing fashions, or glorious food

But those books...they stare at you from the shelves

Calling you silently.

And as if you're being spelled, you're drawn nearer and nearer.

You touch them.Fresh and new.

You said, "This is it, I'm going to buy only this book".

But then the books at the back shelves whispered,

"I'm going to be a good company in your flight".

And you end up at the counter giving bigger bucks than you should have.

p/s-this is, again, is a monologue. I bought to books yesterday, originally just 'The Kite Runner', but then I stumbled upon something interesting by Stephenie Meyer, called 'The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner-an eclipse novella'. How can you resist?

Leaving This Town

There's nothing much to say

But a few goodbyes

To the cattle

To the kittens

To the ducklings

To the people left in this town

Long time it may seems

But when I come back

The cattle are all full-grown

The kittens turn into nice fat cats

The ducklings grow beautiful feathers

To the people who says welcome back

Leaving is not always a parting

Leaving is not always a seclusion

Leaving is not always a hiding

Leaving is a time for appreciating what we have

Thus we say 'I miss you'

There you go folks!

I promise I will return. :D

p/s-this is not a poem.this is a monologue.LOL!

Sweet Love

I am bored, out of boredom, I decided to do this.

This little game is pretty funny. Try it and have fun!!!
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag your friends.
5. Everyone tagged as to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' you would say??
A NEW DAY HAS COME by Celine Dion

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
THIS IS THE THING by Fink

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
SUGAR by Flo Rida

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
BAD ROMANCE by Lady GaGa

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
FEARLESS by Taylor Swift

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
SET THE FIRE TO THE THIRD BAR by Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
SEND ME YOUR ANGELS by Kris Allen

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
PYRAMID by Charice

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
KEBAHAGIAAN DALAM PERPISAHAN by Shahir

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
CAN'T STAY AWAY by Kris Allen

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

I WILL NOT BOW by Breaking Benjamin

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
THE TRUTH by Kris Allen

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
FIRST TIME EVER I SAW YOUR FACE by Harry Connick Jr.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
SEND IT ON by Disney Stars (Miley Cyrus, Demi Levato, Serena Gomez and Jonas Brothers)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
IN MY PLACE by Coldplay

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
CRY ME OUT by Pixie Lott

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
BLAME IT ON THE GIRL by Mika

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
DO I MAKE YOU PROUD by Taylor Hicks

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
MY HEART WILL GO ON by Celine Dion

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
CLOSER by Travis

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
THE ONLY EXCEPTION by Paramore

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
SWEET LOVE by Megan Joy

P At Last

Wow, it's been quite a while, again, for me to write again, and there's so much that has been happening in the intervals. This holiday has been not much of an accomplishment of anything to my opinion until I finally got my driving license yesterday, which I think is the big highlights of the whole three months vacation. I actually feel really good about it, not to the fact that now I can drive on road legally, but for the fact that I've actually accomplish one thing I wanted the most. And you do realize that many times happy things leads to another happy things-it's like a chain of happy moments.

So you know I'm in a very good mood, my dad is taking the whole family out for dinner tonight to celebrate me~LOL!! And I got new shoes as a present I would say, I feel really really good. I won't write long for now, but I will soon. It's only two weeks before my break ends and I'll be coming back for new semester after that, and I'm sure I got loads to tell. :DDD

Short Notes

It's been a long time since my last post, I've been working on a few things on my project; the storyline, the characters, conflicts whatsoever, i just want to make sure i have all the infos i need to make a really good writing, and maybe a good book on the store shelf someday!hahaha..so forgive me...this is as far as i'm telling you, but i will keep you up-to-date on my project! i hope you'll like it!

As Soon As I Re-watched 'Confession Of A Shopaholic'~LOL!

I noticed that I often write things, I have inspiration to actually write a novel, but I end up not finishing anything, not even a single completed writing accomplished. And I know the very one reason why. I don’t have anything valuable, worth to read kind of thing in my writings—I called it, lesson. Without lessons, a story is just another story to forget; just another story that people see with an eye, or even not seen at all, it’s like dining on an empty plate in a five star hotel—you felt the experience of a fine dining, but you don’t feel the satisfaction from the food.

A story, a good writings are a combinations of stories and lessons, put together, mingled in sometimes directly to tell you things exactly as it is; or it can be very subtle than you noticed it when you really read and feel the words and the dialogues and the silent gestures you made up in your mind. Savour the moments of reading—it’s a good line, I love it.

I am a man, but I have to admit that most men don’t read, I’m not talking rubbish, I don’t make the statistics too but I pretty much know from my experience. From a little child I am always fond of books. I love a book with a lot of cartoons, words in big-prints and the colours—I just can’t let go. And when I’m big enough to have my own pocket money, going into a bookstore felt like diving in a pool party, or playground, or karaoke box—basically anything fun. I always love bookstores, but I don’t have that much money to buy everything I like, everything I would love to lay my hands on to read. No, I don’t. Easier picture would be, maybe those kinds of feelings the women felt when designer clothes were sold on half-price.

What about them, I mean, the book, what make them so good? I don’t know. I don’t exactly know how to describe them; it’s just felt good and right. I wish I could own them, and be in it forever! I don’t mind that sometimes entering a large bookstore felt like entering a maze, I don’t mind not getting out. MPH, Kinokuniya, and my all-time favourite, Borders, they all got these attractions that are so ineffable!

As much as I love reading and books and writing, I didn’t as much wanted to be a writer. Although I often fantasized of being a famous book writer, and then my books being adapted to movies, I just thought of writings as an activity to fill up my free times. But who knows right? I might end up being a writer!

A Piece From A Lot More To Come

This is an extract from a little writing I've been doing, just another experiment from me, and I do hope to get some respond from you guys! thanks, and enjoy~

I was just a country boy, no more than that. My younger years spent living in the village, with a whole lot of people and big family. I was joyous and care-free. I was happy and felt love by all. And as a kid, I always wanted fun and more fun I could ever get. Nobody knows I had a dream. I had a mission. I was a bright boy, a top scorer of every examination I sat. I was eager to learn, and my parents were very helpful. I’m glad. I have no brothers or sisters, so I am their only hope, and I was considered as a very good investment and every time I achieved awards, I showered my stakeholders with pride.
So what was this dream I was talking about, what was my mission? You see, I was a normal kid too, I was allowed to watch the TV when I’m done with my homework. But unlike normal kids, I didn’t watch cartoons; I watch what my parents like to watch—the news, the soap operas, the sitcoms so not for children that my mom had to close my eyes with her hands so I didn’t watch those parts(as if I don’t even know what making out is). So I grew up watching the city life, a big city’s life, although, I was quite well to know that some were very fictional(I couldn’t find Gotham city in the world’s map). And that was my dream, a dream later I would regret. But for a country boy like me, I could just picture a whole lot of fun and comfort, not the other side of it.

Psycho!!

It's been quite a while since I wrote my last post, but here I an now, just blabbering~LOL! No, I'm kidding, I dont want to blabber, just that over this few weeks, things keep coming and going and leaving and changing and confusing, you know, those kinda stuff that makes your head spins like yo-yo or tops or wheels? I would say self-believe is important, I mean, if you wanna change, you need to believe in yourself so you won't revert back to the original(this goes for bad turns good kind of thing, not the other way round). This is my issue, I don't know what to believe for, I just don't know how to stand my ground, I'm sure if I join a debate team, I would root for my opponents instead!

It's not always I got into this, it's like flu, you don't get it often, but when you get it, it messes you like h**l(I'm not sure flu is the right metaphore, but it's more or less like that). And it's a month before new term starts, but I already felt like it's gonna be tomorrow. It feels like tomorrow I'm gonna jump on that plane, drop at the airport the next minute, then get to IIUM right afterwords. Simple isn't it? Very simple, but when my head starts tricking me into complications, all that seems troubling, problematic, complicated, just like algorithm, or chemical bonds(or chemicals got tangled because they're so messed up if you asked me).

I know there are some people who studied psychology out there, so my question is, is there anything that you study can be related to what I am dealing at the moment? Anything it's called? Or it is just me being stupid?LOL

OK, and wow, I'm just blabbering in the end!

Bad Bad Day

I felt a bit under the wheather, yesterday I felt like my head was gonna POP! And then at night my stomach started acting funny, until now actually, darn! I'm so not comfortable right now, and I'm totally not in the mood to write anything, but, I hope I'll be fine by noon, because I can't help thinking there must be something medically wrong with me!

In Kuching

That was a long drive, poor dad, he had to drive all the way, I just wish I have license, so I could drive, chauffeur them to the wedding this Sunday and have the car to myself..hahahaha...what a plan...Man, all the way to Kuching from Balingian, I felt like the driver, because I didn't sleep, I was singing all the way(some interrupted when my dad broke into conversation), I got nearly 500 songs and only a hundred plus songs were played along the way, which means basically it must take a long long drive to play all the songs I've got~LOL!

Anyway, this hotel is kinda cool, I don't imagine it got Wi-Fi, but thanks! So, I guess this is for today, I'm so sleepy right now..~yawn~zzzzzzzzzz

Beautiful Day

For a talented singer, so down-to-earth kind of guy, he should deserve a brand new song specially composed for him. But never mind that, because Lee DeWyze is the new American Idol!!! Well, I was surprise that he wins because genuinely(Simon use this word many times during the grand finale), I thought Crystal would win. Both are my favourites, both are great great singer, and both deserves the spot in the final.

Singing 'The Boxer', which he performed during the Inspirational Songs Week, Lee did much better than before to my opinion, and he never cease to amaze everyone, being so shy and amazing at the same time! While Mama Sox sang 'Me and Bobby McGhee' which was an excellent choice and she nailed it again! In the second round Lee perfomed 'Everybody Hurts'. I thought he was kind of swallowed by the band, sometimes his voice was clear and then got swallowed again by the music but Crystal Bowersox really put her A game on the show, singing a song rather 'allergic' to Simon Cowel(because mostly people killed that song during audition), 'Black Velvet'. Both songs in round two were chosen by Simon Fuller, the executive producer of American Idol. The third round put the two contenders singing their coronation songs, and whoever wins, that coronation will be release as their first single. With DeWyze singing 'Beautiful Day' which was originally U2's song, I think he pulled it off, but not the kind of songs for a winner, and Bowersox singing Patty Griffin's 'Up To The Mountain' which was so emotional and she nailed it, the best performance of the night. To me, Crystal wins all three rounds during the finale, no offense there Lee!

But neverthelesss, America has chosen their winner, and it is Lee DeWyze, with 2% more votes than Crystal, I'd say that was a close call. There are no doubts that both are going to be successful, because they both are great great singer both with enchanting personalities. I can't wait for their album to come out. They are gonna be super great!!! I'm sure this time I will get their albums!!!LOL!

p/s-If you read my blog, you know who I'm rooting for, really! LOL!

Low Ink?

LOL!

How Zip Can Be Sexy

This is how....

I Got L

I was so over-confident, thinking I could score with lots of reading, still not done..LOL...So today I was rather self-conscious about myself, reading the question carefully and think straight when the question gets confusing...I was so nervous for the result because my cousin pass her exam just once, while I sat for twice, and the thoughts of failing again really succumb me into fear(fuh, too hyperbolic!).

But about 50 minutes earlier, I got a text that says I passed, and well, I am jumping up and down about that, but I sure am very happy....Hahahaha...Thank God, for His blessings, because even if I studied hard, if He says I can't pass, then I can't.....Alhamdulillah....

A Simple Message To Noble People

I might be a President

I might be a Minister

I might be an Architect

I might be a Doctor

I might be a Nurse

I might be a Police Officer

I might be a Pilot

I might be a Taxi Driver

I might be a Scientist

I might be a Farmer

I might be an Astronaut

I might be a Designer

I might be an Executive

I might be a Tailor

I might be a Fireman

I might be a Shopkeeper

I might be an Army

Or I might be just another Teacher

Just like you

But I will never forget what you did

You make me who I am now

Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart

and Happy Teacher's Day....

Dedicated to all my teachers and lecturers who taught me and still is teaching me, from SeDidik, to SK Parish to SM Sains Kuching to CFSIIUM to IIUM...thank you!!!!

Who Says Business Cards Are Boring, Make It Fun Dude!

Do you know stumbleupon? It's a website that allows you to find things you might like the easy way. It's fun, you might found some really cool stuff. You know that we have millions of websites right? So, if you use stumbleupon, you will find basically any websites from any fields you like, like Arts, Music, Movies, Tv series and more, so why not check the website www.stumbleupon.com and start stumbling!

Here's the new thing I found today, interesting, and wildly creative I must say! ;P

interesting, and funny too!

They better get ready, someone will sue! hahahaha

see, creativity don't only work on papers, fabric too...

confidence is one of the key to success...matchstick man? at least people know who you are now...I love this, simple and funny! no pressure there!

sometimes when you feel like your cardholder is too heavy you just throw out some of them right? why not make one like this, can be a bookmark too...;P..nice one....

got big budget just for business card? this is the real deal!

There are so much more to share, but people says, if you give a fish to someone, it will only be for a day, but if you teach them to fish, you'll give him a life-time supply of fish(I don't remember the sentence, but this is pretty much how it sounds like). So, I told you about stumbleupon, why not start by stumbling upon your favorite things, would you?

I Love A Good Laugh

I always love a good laugh, where I laugh on my own when I read or watch sometihng funny. Crazy as it seems, I'm having ny best time anyway.LOL. I've stumbleupon-ed(Yeah, I made a verb out of it just like facebook-ing, googling etc. you get what I mean right?) a website with good one line( sometimes two) jokes...It's reall funny, I felt it's not fair not sharing this; www.onelinerz.net

So guys, I hope the lines make you laugh, because not averyone like lines if you know what I mean...;P

You Love Humour? Here's One

I promise you good stuff, here's one. I find this very funny.LOL!Enjoy!

See, men out there, you should be a tiny bit more sensitive...then girls will appreciate you...;P

Good Stuff Coming Right Up!

It's been a long time I'm not writing, God I really don't know what to do this long holiday...I'm suppose to get a job, but with a month and a half left, I don't really feel like working now...I'm lazy! But I'm totally committed with my pursue for driving licence, although I failed the first test, I think I can score the next, and then practical is in the bag, I'm driving on the road now, thanks for my mom's encouragement despite my dad's don't-really-like-the-idea-I-drove-the-car attitude... Dad, believe me, I can...I haven't scratch your car just yet...hahahaha

Oohh...thanks you guys for following my blog, although there's nothing much of information here, but I promise if I have good stuff to share with, I'l post it right away, don't worry, I've read a lot of good stuff, only I always forgot to write it back. Sorry guys, but I'll find new stuff and post it, see if you love it...;P

Mom, Surprise!!!

Late yesterday I planned a birthday party for my mom, it was a very last minute preparation because my brother was late from work, my mom totally have no idea what's going on eventhough I found it troubling to sneak out some charcoal from the kitchen for BBQ! LOL! I might look like a very slumber little thief! We grilled chicken wings at my grandfather's house, because, you know, it who will not suspect something's going on if there are very delicious smelling chicken from our own kitchen right? So, grandpa's house is a very safe place for BBQing...hahaha...

My mom's turning 45 already, but, I think she looks younger than that!(Extra cash coming in!!!) Anyway, after Isyak prayer, a little around 8.30, my brother and I took all the food we prepare to our house, and we're lucky because my mom's not in the house, she's at our neighbours. So we got all the time to prepare everything on the table. We got all my aunts and uncles and cousins to come to the surprise party, one of my aunt got her from the neighbours by telling her there's someone coming to see her at the house, we waited casually outside the house, and when she entered the living room, she was really surprised to see all the food and all the guests in the house! Yey! A surprise party indeed, I wish I had time to bake cake, but nevermind, maybe on Mother's Day I'll do that...gotta find recipes somewhere...:) Well, mom, Happy Birthday!

The Boxer

I knew this sing when Lee DeWyze sang it on idol, the lyrics are touching, I mean, unless you just want to gave up when you faced the downturn of your life, you'd like this song, and it makes you feel like, OK, I'm going on, no matter how bad my CGPA is. So, here it is, 'The Boxer' originally sang by Simon and Garfunkel;

I am just a poor boy
Though my story's seldom told
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocket full of mumbles such are promises
All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a boy
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of the railway station running scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters
Where the ragged people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Lie la lie ...

Asking only workman's wages
I come looking for a job
But I get no offers,
Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

Lie la lie ...

Then I'm laying out my winter clothes
And wishing I was gone
Going home
Where the New York City winters aren't bleeding me
Bleeding me, going home

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains

Lie la lie ...

Big Flop! And Drop!

I was just testing whether I can view my result or not, amazingly yes, considering that I haven't paid the fees yet. I was not shock actually seeing a big drop in my result, well, I think I deserved it for I took the subjects rather lightly and not trying very hard. So, in MY FACE! Hahaha...ok, it's not laughing matter...not sad, not sad.

I have to really made up my mind for next semester, it's going to be my second year there in the university, based on my result, my CGPA, there's a lot of thing to work out...whole lots of things...I need to figure how to straighten my head, get back on the track, the right track, need to get back on 3.0 and above track...

Hide And Seek

Result's finally out today, I don't expect to get good grades, I know I did rather badly in like, everything!

But then, since I haven't paid the fees, I won't be able to check the results anyway...hahaha...bad me!(I haven't told my parents yet! I'll wait)

I was looking for yogurt recipe the other day, it seems very simple to do it, but if, just if, we accidentally got something wrong with the recipe like, forget to sterilize the spoon, and then that yogurt got mixed up with bad bacteria, can we be possibly dead?(I know a bit of exaggeration there!) I'm being cautious anyway, we're talking about bacteria here, I got no microscope to see whether they are bad or good bacteria! Hahahahaha....sorry, I got nothing to do so I just like to write rather unimportant stuff.

And do you know what are the ingredients to make yogurt? It's only 2-3 tablespoon of plain yogurt(for starters, which mean you make yogurt for the first time) and milk, how many you like! Very simple..I want to try to make this! I've been craving the taste of yogurt aver since I left college, and not until another 2 and a half month I'd be able to taste the tastiest yogurt I've ever taste! hahahaha...

The good news to cheer me up this week is, finally, I pack some weight, nearly reaching 50, which is to me a very good achievement to date, no less than 47 now, and I expect by next week I'll be reaching 50 and above. I'll never be uncerweight anymore! I think a little extra fat under my skin won't hurt that much, I personally think it's crucial to have that thick layer of fat anyway!

All The Thank Yous

Alhamdulillah....and Wow!

I'm 20! 20 years old today!

I love all the things I've done before,

The shape me into what I am now,

If there are mistakes, we learn from them,

If there are success, we try to achieve more,

Not greedy, but to make life even better,

I would like to make a toast,

Let's hope that from this day onwards,

we'll achieve something great,

something memorable,

something that all of us will remember for the rest of our lives!

I would like to say something to my friends, especially my studiomates,

Akram, thank you for being such a good friend who would listen to my whining

Aideel, thank you for the songs you sang and I wish to hear more

Kamal, thank you for keeping something precious and I hope you keep it for the rest of your live

Aman, thank you for being such a people who can annoy me, but at the same time cheer me like no other would

Manai, I enjoy our 'sharing moment' very much

Kim, thank you for introducing me to Korea, I'd love to go there when I can

Jiji, thank you for being the cool guy and thanks for the ride too

Pus, thanks for all the pictures and I miss your camera!hahaa

Fatin, thanks for being a very good sister to all of us

Am, thanks for all things you say to make me laugh, you do really lighten up my day

Nana, thanks for being cute all the time

Ummi, thanks for bringing the indie mood

Dayah, thanks for always being sweet and nice

Za, thanks for remembering us all the time

Mona, thanks for being the best, and short counterpart

Ana, thanks for the food!

Kekek, thanks for the spirit you showed us

Tikashi, thanks for your patience of my annoying behaviour

Ika, thanks for your leadership and talking skills, you make the class alive

Arinah, thanks for all the slumber jokes you make

Ami, thanks for being happy!

Eja, thanks for always being a baby, hahaha

Maryam, thanks for Les Choristes and your very good leadership

Anis Fadhilah, thanks for the ice-cream, and for willing to listen to my complaints

Anis Fatihah, thanks for being such a lovely lady in the studio(sorry Aideel!hahaha)

To the lecturers,

Mdm Iza, thanks for being such a straight forward lecturer, thanks for all the advice, we all love you!

Bro Ardi, thanks for let us sing if we come late, thanks for being very strict, you taught us a lot about time,

Bro Shah, thanks for being a friend and taught me drawings and Mudah, you really have memperMUDAHkan my life in studio

Bro Rashidi, thanks for being the coolest lecturer!

Cik Khalid, thanks for making me Kebal! You taught us only the very best!

I have a lot of friends to thank, writing them all would take a day or two,

but I really thanked you for helping all this time and without you, I'll never be the one I am right now. Thanks!

And to myself, Happy 2oth Birthday Birthday Boy!

Final Day Of 19

Accomplishment?

Not really.

It's just that, there are so much going ons in this years of being 19.

A lot.

I'm gonna miss being under 20s.

But I can't wait to voyage this ship of 20s.

Maybe I'll grow very long, handsome beard.

Maybe I throw away my specs.

Maybe I'll go bald again.

Maybe I'll do better academically.

Maybe I'll get my own website.

Maybe I'll put on more weight.

Maybe I'll look more handsome than before.

Maybe I'll be more mature than before.

Maybe I'll expand my book collection up to 100% this semester.

Maybe I'll finish up my novels I've been writing.

Maybe I'll grow tall.

Maybe I'll be better than Akram of Fatin(no offense here! ;P) in colouring.

Maybe I can draw realistic trees.

Maybe I'll be an artist.

Maybe I'll compose songs.

Maybe I'll make my own money.

Maybe I'll go travel Malaysia on holidays.

Maybe I'll get 4.0 next semester.

And most importantly, I want to get closer to HIM, only HIM, the ONE and ONLY Allah...

I pray that you show me the right way, the way to your heaven, the way of righteousness, I pray that you clear all the black spots and stench in my heart, I pray that you wash away all the bad image in my head, purify all my thoughts...

Ameen.

Lonely Boy

Eventhough I'm back home, a place where I've been longing to be in, it's kinda lonely here. All I have are like virtual friends, who I met at Facebook, or Kawanlah(yes, this Kawanlah thing exist, it's Malaysian.....Friendster...hahahaha), or YM...I want real friends, real being so I can talk with, go out with osmetimes but it's hard to find one here. None of my friends back in primary school are here, the guys, I think, are all working already, the girls, some are in college, some are working, some already got children to feed, aiya...

I really missed my studiomates, been dying to meet them again, about three months from now, missed all the laugh we had, all the sensitive moments, and together with Anis and Akram having ice-cream every late afternoon, I missed all that...I want to do something here, with friends...I did met some students a few days back when they got activities here in my village, I got to talk with them for a while and I do felt really good, but they stayed only for two days only then they head back to college, aiya....hey, who wanna hang out with me this weekend???? p/s--->to Sarawakian or people who can and are willing to travel long distance only...hahaahha

Teh 'O' Ice or Teh 'O' Peng

Funny story(to me) when I first came to Peninsular Malaysia and ordered Iced Tea, I told the mak cik, 'Teh 'O' Peng satu and that mak cik ask me teh o what? I forgot. Hahahaha....Well we Sarawakian, in Sarawak always refers 'Peng' as in 'Ice', like Teh Peng, Milo Peng, Coffee peng....geddit? Now that I'm rather use to life in PM, I never had trouble requesting for Teh 'O' Ice....the funny thing is what happen today I ordered to this abang Teh 'O' Ice and it left me pondering a while. I swear I was thinking am I ordering the right thing because it really did sound quite funny, when my dad in front of me ordered Milo Peng...not funny? I told you earlier it's funny to me....:)

But what's the difference anyway, it's all the same case of seeing a glass as half-full, or half-empty, it's just the same....I felt the same way now. On what? On this one particular girl. I keep telling myself ok, 'you're gone', but at the same time I can't get over her...Oh please....you're with someone elso for God's sake I don't wanna get beat up by someone for a girl...It's like it's on the border line of want to remember and don't want to remember....it's killing me...softly? No....I think torturing by heart is really brutal especially when you fought alone and no one else is beside you, or know about it, or care about it. Of course she never knew. But someone did knew. :)

At Last....(Ella Fitzgerald)

Finally I can go online with ease...broadband?fuh....Hampeh....hahahaha....

It's already April and I am heading to that big fat 20!hahahaa....

Can't really believe I'm almost 20, bcoz people might think I'm a seondary school student...hahahaa(perasan)

Unlike most people, I like to grow old, mainly bcoz older people receive better treatment by people, don't believe me?try grow long beard and have lines on your forehead, hunch a bit and walk in somewhere important like office etc...hahaahahahhaa....

So it's almost a week at home I'm expecting something good will happen, something that can highlight my return(cheeeehh)....but not yet so far...

I'm still 'heavying' myself if you know what I mean...:)

OK, that's for today, ciao!

The End Is Near:The Sequel

I'm loving this title..hahahaha...partly because yes it's true the end is near, yes, the end of the world is near, only we don't know when and I'm doubting in 2012 becasue it can be sooner than that, or later than that, so don't waste your time counting when is the end of the world because you'll never know, and partly becasue even when people predict 2012 is the Doomsday people still won't repent. So what's the point really?

The end I'm saying here is the edn of the semester, I'm gonna go home this Friday!! Yey!! My last paper is on Thursday, gonna have some fun with my friends afterwards, the plan is to have a nice picnic at Sungai Pisang and then start packing for HOME, my beloved HOME....:))))..although this rescheduled thing(yeah, my flight got rescheduled, later than the original time) troubles me a bit, but nonetheless, home is still my destination right???

So, cheers to a place call HOME!!!

From Deep Within

I never thought it would be this much a hurt to me
I always thought this could be a good thing
I always thought this is for the best
From what I saw it is the best
But for me myself I don't know
It's just...too much for me now
I never try to make important decision for the best for myself
I always feel like the need to sacrifice for the greater good
Which I will not be getting
For I give it away
I thought I will be the good guy here
But almost all the time
I feel this emptiness deep inside of me
It's like a hole
Only growing bigger and bigger at times
Only hollow, only sorrow
Masked by my smiles and laughter
I guess I never stand up for what I love
I just give it away
You know, people say, love is something you must give away
People also say sometimes you have to let something you love go
But for how long do I have to keep letting something I love go?
Forever?

Plenty Of Fish In The Sea?

Love is not just about you giving love to somebody, without them giving it back to you. Nor did it happened the other way round. Love is about mutual relationship between two people, when you gave it to somebody, they took it with open arms and open hearts.

My love is not here yet, I should just be patient and wait for the time to come. Not now, maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, another five years, who knows. People always say, there's plenty of fish in the sea, you miss a fish, there will always be next(I guess that's true, not a fan of fishing...:P). So I guess I have to put my bait in the see a little while longer, reel it in slowly and slowly till I think a big catch is coming.

To you two, I'm really happy for you, and I will always pray for your happiness...cheers! :)

Will You Stand Your Ground? Or You Just Flee From This Battlefield?

I want to believe

That the light still shines

Although I might be blind to see

I want to feel the warmth

I want to feel the comfort

But as far as I know

I'm freezing cold

Even with my thick sweater couldn't hold

I want to believe

That spring is in the air

Although I might be colour blind to see

All the different flowers blooming

I want to see the colours like rainbow

I want to see the red rose

blue periwinkle

white azaleas

But as far as I see

Only gray is there to see

I still want to believe

But for how long should I keep my hope high?

For how long should I stand my ground?

For how long should I be tortured?

Before I fall forever

Or I could just flee

From this treacherous battlefield

From this neverending misery

The last question for the answer I seek

Do you still want to believe?

Exam Week

Portfolio week was on Monday and Tuesday, got Malay language exam on Wednesday ans there will be people coming to visit the landscape architecture department in the morning till noon, followed by replacement of history class as well as a bit of test..well, pretty much a busy week, despite the end of studio still no rest..:), what can I say anyway right...just live it, and love it...:) (i'm keeping myself in positive mood here guys, im going back really soon..another :)...hahahaha)

So guys, wish me luck! And o Allah, give me strength to carry on as much as I can despite all the troubles I'm facing right now. I know you did these to test me. May I succeed in overcoming these things. Ameen.

Moving On

I still feel like my grandma is around. Seriously, I don't feel anything, and it gets me feeling kinda selfish. Am I suppose to feel very sad about her passed away? Am I suppose to cry?

Moving on with my life.

We all should move on right?

I got my favorite for AI already!

1-Lee Dewyze

2-Siobhan Magnus

3-Casey James

4-Aaron Kelly

5-Crystal Bowersox

My top five!

The Days I Lost My Grandmas...

I remembered about four years ago, my dad called and told me to go home. My grandma was very sick. I haven't arrived at home but when my dad pick me from the bus station, he said, she's gone. I don't know what to say, I definitely don't want to cry. I don't even get to see her again, in her late days, for the last time. I wish that she could see me for the last time.

And tonight, I feel like the whole thing is repeating itself again. My grandma had passed away just a few minutes ago. I still am not there. I wish she could just see me again for the last time. Why am I not present everytime my grandmas passed away? I am not crying but I still am feeling guilty for four years, and what now? Double guilty?

I just wish I was there with my family. Maybe be a comfort to them. I just wish I can. Oh Allah, may you let them be in your heaven.

The End Is Near...

Nice title right? Gosh after four months here; wait, let me rephrase that, after four months of fallout, triumph, struggles, fights, and so many things, I am so happy that the semester's gonna end very soon. I bought my tickets home already and I really can't wait to see my family again, rest for a while, maybe get a job then, get my license so I can hit the road go somewhere...waaah....so many things to do...in three whole months!!! But before that, I got portfolio days, so I think I'm still having sleep deprivation a little bit longer, and then exams...well, five papers only. I'm not sure I'm prepared for exam, but, I'll work it out. See how they turn out later on when I get the result. So, the end is near is it? Alright, I'm referring to the end of the semester, I just hope I pass design studio 2 so I can go for design studio 3 with my friends for the new year of study this July. I'm praying hard(and working hard to finish all the prjects to claim more marks...XDDD) I'm not gonna stuck at DS2...hahahaha...well, I think it kinda suck seeing your friends go uo when you stuck down there repeating the same subject right, plus, with other people...who wants that? So, pray hard dear Me, work hard too, so you are not gonna repeat design subject, because you pretty damn well know if you did, you spent 5 years in this university instead of just 4. XDDD.

Getting Back On My Feet, And My Faith

I was so busy finding the worldly love, until I forgot the fact that my utmost love should be place to Al-Mighty Allah. Forgive me Allah for being too carried away in this worldly matter. For I should have know better that you will provide a suitable woman for every people in this world including me.

Standing In The Rain

I wish we could just stand in the rain and all our memories got washed away. Some are too painful to put off my mind, too sticky like a stubborn bubble gum. Some are just the kind of decision we made without further thinking, and the consequences we have to face after that are pretty much the harshest(is there such superlatives?).

Sometimes you know, you realize, you are aware that Allah is always there, watching everything you do, recorded by His two Archangels, good or evil, if good, then bless you, but if it's evil, you just keep going on with it. No mercy to yourself. No feeling of ashamed to yourself. What you do is, say things like, "Just this one time, and that's it". What do you do? Go.

Come On Now, Get Your Pen!!!

I am still very lazy.
My laziness scale goes up pass maximum.
Aaaaaaaaaarghhhhh!!!!!!!!
I hate this week!
I hate last week!
Give me the strength to carry on.

A Whole Lotta Sleep

This week has been a busy week, yes, I am more than acknowledged about that, but the problem is, I kinda get to addicted to sleep. I don't sleep during daytime but I have classes at that time so I don't really have time to work on my project(unless I skipped classes). So nighttime are the perfect time to actually do the project, however, I got drowsy a bit too early, and it seems stronger and stronger everyday. That causes me to lag behind my friends in terms of progress. Now I'm on the slowest track I guess. I don't really want to ask for help from others because I believe they got their works too(some offers to help, but you know...I'm shy....Hahahahahaha...).Okay back to business. Can anybody tell me how to not to sleep? Coffee didn't work for me anymore.

Like A Mess

This week I would call as the 'Submission And Presentation Week', there are a lot of submission and presentation to be done. Make my head ache like crazy.Aiya~I guess that's what you get(hahaha...Paramore!!!) when you procrastinate and always think like, 'hey, it's just this, I can finish it in no time'. I tell you, that statement kills you!Hahaha...yeah, this week skipping classes is like so fine. I'm sorry, I never meant to, but I had to.

Tomorrow my uncle and his wife are gonna arrive in KL, I haven't ask Madam SM if I can skip class after submission. They need someone to show them way around the city and I am the only one they can count on. Hahaha, I don't mean to skip class this time, I am thinking of getting her permission for just this one time. I'm good right?

Weekend also didn't really feel like weekend, not with all the workloads I have behind my back, I can't even straighten up myself, well, literally speaking. I can't wait for this semester to end, then I got a whole three months of holiday. No study, no pressure!Hahaha...ok, gotta eat now.

Just The Missing Piece I Need

Everything's clear now. Solved. I was wrong, I guess I really need to start talking, not just making conclusion based on the situation. Judging by first glance is really unfair right? So I have to dig up to find the truth. I'm lucky this time, the truth came just about time. I felt rather guilty a bit, I mean, all this time for what I have thought about, for all the assumption I made on my mind, for all the emotions I let flow without really thinking about it. I guess this is all one big misunderstanding. Maybe this is the time I've been waiting, or dreaded, whatever it is. The time to start talking about this stuff. Should I? I still haven't made up my mind on that. A perfect timing is all I need, but I don't know what time is a perfect time. Complicated isn't it? My life is complicated, or rather I made it complicated, or it is just the way it is, as complicated as it can be. I don't know how many missing pieces it is in this jigsaw, but at least now I found one of the most important parts of it. I should thank Hafiz.

I Was About To Stand Up When I Fall Again, And Again, And Again

I'd lie if I say I don't have the desire to be together with her. I'd lie if I say it's fine, people are rooting for the other guy to be her perfect partner. I'm totally not fine, I'm just concealing it from escaping(by which I mean not shown on my face). I just don't know what to do. I really don't know. I'm just...lost for words...

A Post To T

OK, fair enough, I know I'm not speaking about anything to you, but I was hoping you would know, and you would react. But since what I know is you seems like running away from me, I'm assuming you're afraid of me, like I'm a ghost, hunting you down. But no, I'm not. I didn't say anything, so I don't really understand why are you behaving like this? I am trying my best playing it cool but if you are acting like this how can I go on? I might as well do something crazy just to get your attention(I know you're not gonna read this, but it's okay, I just wanna let this out first here, maybe then to you, you know, like a practice, or a script for my speech etc.).

I'm seeing you as someone I like, someone I would like to see everyday so I could be happy. You know(if you haven't notice it yet), you got this vibrant in you, pulling me towards you, only I am too timid to really approach you an say like, hey, wanna go get dinner? Or, I got this awesome movie tickets, perhaps, there's a sale at KLCC, you know, those kinda stuff. No I don't do that. Not when I am in this situation. I have to say, I like you, above any other people(but I've got to tell you, I love my parents more, but it's okay right? Can you blame me for this?). I may not look like a very romantic person, and I myself have to admit that I'm hopeless in this kinda thing, I don't have that kind of first-impression appeal like any other man you might see, yeah, maybe when you saw me for the first time it's like, who's this nerd? But well, that's just me, you wouldn't see any romantic in me unless you know me skin deep.

Maybe I was wrong about you all this time. Maybe I am right about me being too self-conscious, too sensitive. Maybe you felt nothing for me, maybe you wouldn't even care whether I exist or not, maybe you couldn't care less I'm the best student or a failure(and FYI, I'm improving myself because I wouldn't want to lose to you). I might act a little bit snobby, or selfish at times but really, I don't really know how I should act around you, to gentle you might run away from me, I tried playing it cool sometimes I got too carried away. But let the truth be told, whenever you talk to other men, watch movie together, asked the questions, I do felt jealous. I asked myself there, why not me?

Do You Know?

Do you know that,
Whatever I said to you means I love you?
Do you know that,
Whenever I we see eye to eye it means I miss you?
Do you know that,
Whenever you're not around I felt empty?
Do you know that,
Whenever you laugh it means a whole world to me?
Do you know that,
Whatever you feel I'm feeling it too?
Do you know that,
Whenever you fall for someone else, I'm falling too?
Do you know that,
Whenever you gave your love to someone else, I lost mine?
Do you know that,
When you missed someone else, I'm missing something in my life?
Do you know that,
When you are in too deep with someone else, I fall deeper that before
And that's the end of it.

What's The Point?

You know sometimes you reach the low point in your life where you think that it's not worth it, even though you want it so much but then the more you want it, it slips away even further. This time is my lowest point, people may not see much changes in the way I appear, but emotionally speaking, I am deeply annoyed, disturbed, pretty much disappointed, and I think, this is the end of it. The end of what? The end of my quest, having fought with myself for months, chasing the wind I can't even see, grabbing the water with bare hands but then it falls back into the river, trying to collect sunlight but then all I got is empty sack. I am empty. Very empty. I don't even know what to do, or what really to say. I don't even know why am I so sensitive about this. It's just a damn picture. Well, pictures actually. People says picture tells a thousand words. I do got that, only it hurts me. I don't know if I interpreted wrongly, but all I can think is that.

TO YOU-I don't know know how to put this into good words, I like you, and I might love you, but I don't want to rush into this, and I don't even know what you feel about me. But I really, really like you. Every songs I heard reminds me of you, I only picture you. Every love story I watched I imagine are we going to be like this? Are we going to have this kind of stories? Are we going to have those moments? I may not look like the guy you might picture in your head, the kind that really put you into sweet dreams, the kind of guy that every time you sees him you smile. I know I am just a little kid to you, the kind that joke around on everything, but I have and I know serious part of me. One thing is about being in a relationship. It's just the other side that only people who accepted me can see it. If you accepted me, you'd see it. And you'd know me deeper than this. I don't have that kind of courage to talk to you, I am a coward I admit that, but not because I am afraid of you, not the things I am going to say, but I am afraid of what will happen next. You might hate me for what I say, you might not talk to me anymore, you might not even look at me. I know at some point 'like' turns to 'love'. I just want you to know, my 'like' to you has changed already. But I am ready to back off if you have your own choice already. I don't want to fight a losing battle.