Sunday, February 28, 2010

Just The Missing Piece I Need

Everything's clear now. Solved. I was wrong, I guess I really need to start talking, not just making conclusion based on the situation. Judging by first glance is really unfair right? So I have to dig up to find the truth. I'm lucky this time, the truth came just about time. I felt rather guilty a bit, I mean, all this time for what I have thought about, for all the assumption I made on my mind, for all the emotions I let flow without really thinking about it. I guess this is all one big misunderstanding. Maybe this is the time I've been waiting, or dreaded, whatever it is. The time to start talking about this stuff. Should I? I still haven't made up my mind on that. A perfect timing is all I need, but I don't know what time is a perfect time. Complicated isn't it? My life is complicated, or rather I made it complicated, or it is just the way it is, as complicated as it can be. I don't know how many missing pieces it is in this jigsaw, but at least now I found one of the most important parts of it. I should thank Hafiz.

I Was About To Stand Up When I Fall Again, And Again, And Again

I'd lie if I say I don't have the desire to be together with her. I'd lie if I say it's fine, people are rooting for the other guy to be her perfect partner. I'm totally not fine, I'm just concealing it from escaping(by which I mean not shown on my face). I just don't know what to do. I really don't know. I'm just...lost for words...

Friday, February 26, 2010

A Post To T

OK, fair enough, I know I'm not speaking about anything to you, but I was hoping you would know, and you would react. But since what I know is you seems like running away from me, I'm assuming you're afraid of me, like I'm a ghost, hunting you down. But no, I'm not. I didn't say anything, so I don't really understand why are you behaving like this? I am trying my best playing it cool but if you are acting like this how can I go on? I might as well do something crazy just to get your attention(I know you're not gonna read this, but it's okay, I just wanna let this out first here, maybe then to you, you know, like a practice, or a script for my speech etc.).

I'm seeing you as someone I like, someone I would like to see everyday so I could be happy. You know(if you haven't notice it yet), you got this vibrant in you, pulling me towards you, only I am too timid to really approach you an say like, hey, wanna go get dinner? Or, I got this awesome movie tickets, perhaps, there's a sale at KLCC, you know, those kinda stuff. No I don't do that. Not when I am in this situation. I have to say, I like you, above any other people(but I've got to tell you, I love my parents more, but it's okay right? Can you blame me for this?). I may not look like a very romantic person, and I myself have to admit that I'm hopeless in this kinda thing, I don't have that kind of first-impression appeal like any other man you might see, yeah, maybe when you saw me for the first time it's like, who's this nerd? But well, that's just me, you wouldn't see any romantic in me unless you know me skin deep.

Maybe I was wrong about you all this time. Maybe I am right about me being too self-conscious, too sensitive. Maybe you felt nothing for me, maybe you wouldn't even care whether I exist or not, maybe you couldn't care less I'm the best student or a failure(and FYI, I'm improving myself because I wouldn't want to lose to you). I might act a little bit snobby, or selfish at times but really, I don't really know how I should act around you, to gentle you might run away from me, I tried playing it cool sometimes I got too carried away. But let the truth be told, whenever you talk to other men, watch movie together, asked the questions, I do felt jealous. I asked myself there, why not me?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Do You Know?

Do you know that,
Whatever I said to you means I love you?
Do you know that,
Whenever I we see eye to eye it means I miss you?
Do you know that,
Whenever you're not around I felt empty?
Do you know that,
Whenever you laugh it means a whole world to me?
Do you know that,
Whatever you feel I'm feeling it too?
Do you know that,
Whenever you fall for someone else, I'm falling too?
Do you know that,
Whenever you gave your love to someone else, I lost mine?
Do you know that,
When you missed someone else, I'm missing something in my life?
Do you know that,
When you are in too deep with someone else, I fall deeper that before
And that's the end of it.

Monday, February 22, 2010

What's The Point?

You know sometimes you reach the low point in your life where you think that it's not worth it, even though you want it so much but then the more you want it, it slips away even further. This time is my lowest point, people may not see much changes in the way I appear, but emotionally speaking, I am deeply annoyed, disturbed, pretty much disappointed, and I think, this is the end of it. The end of what? The end of my quest, having fought with myself for months, chasing the wind I can't even see, grabbing the water with bare hands but then it falls back into the river, trying to collect sunlight but then all I got is empty sack. I am empty. Very empty. I don't even know what to do, or what really to say. I don't even know why am I so sensitive about this. It's just a damn picture. Well, pictures actually. People says picture tells a thousand words. I do got that, only it hurts me. I don't know if I interpreted wrongly, but all I can think is that.

TO YOU-I don't know know how to put this into good words, I like you, and I might love you, but I don't want to rush into this, and I don't even know what you feel about me. But I really, really like you. Every songs I heard reminds me of you, I only picture you. Every love story I watched I imagine are we going to be like this? Are we going to have this kind of stories? Are we going to have those moments? I may not look like the guy you might picture in your head, the kind that really put you into sweet dreams, the kind of guy that every time you sees him you smile. I know I am just a little kid to you, the kind that joke around on everything, but I have and I know serious part of me. One thing is about being in a relationship. It's just the other side that only people who accepted me can see it. If you accepted me, you'd see it. And you'd know me deeper than this. I don't have that kind of courage to talk to you, I am a coward I admit that, but not because I am afraid of you, not the things I am going to say, but I am afraid of what will happen next. You might hate me for what I say, you might not talk to me anymore, you might not even look at me. I know at some point 'like' turns to 'love'. I just want you to know, my 'like' to you has changed already. But I am ready to back off if you have your own choice already. I don't want to fight a losing battle.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Do you want to improve your VERBAL PRESENTATION SKILLS???

Assalamualakum & Good day to you all!!
Lack of confidence while presenting your ideas to the crowd?? Don't really know what to say or what to do when you're panic while delivering your presentation?? One solution you can take is join us @A TALK ON VERBAL PRESENTATION SKILLS by WARDINA AND IZWAN AZIR of TV3 this Saturday, the 20th of February 2010! The talk will be held @ KAED Auditorium, Kuliyyah of Architecture and Environmental Design(KAED), International Islamic University Malaysia, Gombak. Only RM20 is charged per person. Certificates and refreshment are provided. Try to improve yourself together with us hand in hand!! Contact me, Azam @ for enquiries. If you're interested, e-mail me your name, IC number and where you are from to me by 3pm Friday, payment can be made upon arrival at the venue of the talk. Thank you for your time. Join ya!!!

Returning from the Downfall

I've stop blogging for a while
But now I'm back
For revenge?
Not likely
But to feast on my mind
To spread my words
To untangle my mind
To unlock all the mysteries in my head
I'm back for good
So listen carefully
Read diligently
Think deeply.

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