Saturday, December 31, 2011

What Happen to the Sanctity of Marriage?

Assalamualaikum semua, apa khabar hari ni? Apa plan untuk hari terakhir tahun 2011 masihi? Malam ni nak enjoy countdown? Ke nak pergi sambut secara Islamik dengan acara2 zikir yang turut diadakan di beberapa tempat? Pilih lah ye. Jangan terlalu melampaui batas itu sudah cukup. Jaga adab itu penting. 

Katy Perry ngan ex-hubby Russell Brand

Jadi hari ni dah disahkan Katy Perry dan Russell Brand yang dulu nampak sangat happy dan secocok bersama (sama2 weirdo in a good way! AHAHA) dah file for divorce. Ahhhh... What ever happens to the sanctity of marriage? What does marriage means to these people? They are considered as public figures since mereka ni sentiasa menjadi tumpuan media, ada fanbase yang besar disuluruh dunia. And such stories will be remembered by people. Bukan di Hollywood saja perkahwinan pelakon mahupun penyanyi banyak yang runtuh di tengah jalan, di Malaysia ni pun sama jugak. Berkahwin, bercerai. Memang lah talak itu halal, tapi Allah tak suka talak. 

Apa masalahnya? Apa pulak impaknya kepada orang lain?

Masalah rumahtangga memanglah tak boleh dielakkan. Mungkin dah diulang banyak kali kot dalam mana2 ceramah ke artikel pasal marriage ni, 'sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit, inikan pula suami isteri', lagu P.Ramlee kan? Dari filem apa aku tak ingat. Not a big fan. DUH! But listen to this, kalau kita tergigit lidah sedikit, takkan nak terus potong lidah kan? Same goes to marriage, trouble in the water, sorang2 pun kenalah ada rasa mengalah, kena pandai memujuk, kena ada sikap toleransi. Marriage cannot be just about the looooooove....yes I just typed it like that, but it's about working on a huge commitment. And if you think you're not up for it, learn how to be committed. Dalam Islam kata, si isteri kena dengar cakap suami, isteri yang derhaka takkan cium bau syurga.

Yang malas perlu komited dalam rumahtangga!!

Aku tau, aku belom berkahwin apa semua tu kan. Calon pun, ehem2..... Tanak bagitau yang tu, but my point is, walaupun aku belom berkahwin, tapi at least I understand the responsibility I am going to shoulder if after getting married. I understand what I need to do to make my wife happy, and one of the most important thing i learn, if I can't make myself happy, how can I make my partner-for-life happy? AHAHAHA... So walaupun rasa memang nak kahwin, so kena sabar dulu...hihihi *tersipu-sipu malu*.

Dan tak lama lagi, abang aku akan bernikah... InsyaAllah bulan September nanti, harap2 sebelum aku balik UIA lah...memang plannya begitulah... Kalau tak memang aku tak balik UIA dulu...bukan apa, abang aku ni yang pertama dikalangan kami adik beradik dan cousin2 yang mendirikan rumahtangga. Tau tak dengan sapa? Dengan highschool sweetheart diaa...chewah...lama jugak diorang bertahan. Perempaun tu pulak ada kembar. So I can expect maybe cucu abang aku nanti ada kembar..AHAHA...kalau ada anak kembar lagilah power, merasa jugak dapat anak buah *khayal jap* Tak sabar!! Bakal kakak ipar aku tu nanti baek, perghhh...family aku memang suka kat dia, so I'm happy for my brother. :D

Lepas abang aku bernikah, giliran aku plak...ihihihi *malu-malu kucing*

Oh, dah lari tajuk, sambung sikit pasal masalah rumahtangga... Dah nama pun manusia kan, pelbagai, perangai macam-macam setiap satu. Mungkin siisteri gila shopping, kerja sesuami lah untuk mendisiplin kan isteri untuk berbelanja ikut kepentingan... Kalau sisuami pulak jenis yang panas baran, siisteri pulak jadi penenang keadaan. Macam mana nak buat tu, itu isteri punya hal lah kan? AHAHAH yang penting jangan bertikam lidah. It never never ever solver anything. Tau2 tengah kepala besar masing2 terlontar kata 'talak'. Talak tu main-main atau betul-betul, sah talaknya. Lepas tu menyesal. 

Okay, impak kepada orang lain, aku cerita balik pasal selebriti2 kita yang aku rasa kadang2 macam gila talak je group2 ni, sebab diorang ni sentiasa berada di mata masyarakat, it gives a bad impression about what marriage is all about. lebih2 lagi dengan keadaan kita yang semakin 'modern' ni. Fikiran orang sekarang tak sama dengan fikiran orang dulu. Sekarang ramai orang2 muda ni terlalu liberal, sebab tu lah banyak baby baby yang comel comel semua dan tak bersalah jadi mangsa. Terlalu liberal. Semua fikir kahwin apa guna, mahal2, lepas tu cerai jugak. haaa fikiran macam nilah yang merosakkan minda orang kita, dah jadi macam orang barat. Tak dinafikan ada jugak sikap orang barat yang perlu kita contohi, dan banyak juga yang perlu kita elak. Tapi logik orang kita sekarang ni, 'diorang buat macam tu okay je negara diorang, maju je, kita ni yang ini tak boleh itu tak boleh, tak jugak maju-maju.' Haaaa.... inilah logik yang macam ulat kecil, makan hati kita sikit demi sikit, tanpa kita notice pun.

Lagi satu bagi mereka yang ada anak ni, lagilah bermasalah. Anak-anak 'mangsa' penceraian ni pun boleh scar them for life wooo... Efek psychology dan emotionally tu, kalau diorang ni belum cukup faham lagi tentang situasi 'divorce' ni macam mana, boleh bagi impak negatif kat diorang. Mungkin diorang ni dah tak percaya kepada organisasi perkahwinan ni, lebih2 lagi kalau anak-anak ni tengok dengan mata kepala diorang sendiri mak bapak tengah gaduh2. Tak malu ke mak bapak tu? Kalau aku lah, segan nak mampos sebab bagi contoh yang tak elok depan Farid, Fariz ngn Fariq. Eh? AHAHAHA.

Jangan biar anak depresi disebabkan masalah anda!

Berbalik kepada arits2 ni, semua fikir selebriti2 ni perlu jaga perangai je, tapi bukan itu aja sebenarnya, semua nak kena jaga bila dah bertaraf 'public figure'. Semua benda orang tengok. Alhamdulillah sekarang ni dah banyak jugak artis2 wanita aku tengok bertudung, macam Shiela Rusli, Irma Hasmie, Nora camtu... elok je rupanya, suci, orang tengok pun senang hati. Harap2 lagi banyaklah yang menuju kearah itu. Tapi masalah cerai berai inilah yang buat aku macam...kurang senang sikit. 

Aku tak taulah apa pendapat korang, ni pendapat aku je. Kalau tak setuju sila komen. Peace yoo!!

Rumahtangga itu satu benda yang sweet sangat, bukan couple2 yang sweet eh,  NIKAH itu yang sweet mweet  :P


p/s- aku nak bagi nama anak laki, anak perempuan, isterilah yang bagi okeh? ;P

p/s #2- Kim Kardashian ngn Kris Humphries punya divorce lah yang paling aku tak suka this year. 72 days after that grand, lavish wedding nak 'kalahkan' royal wedding? Blurghhhh... Yes aku memang follow gossip2 jugak. :D harap isteri aku nanti tak kisah AHAHA.

Currently Reading...

Assalamualaikum readers! Malam2 ni lepas kecewa sedikit Boboi tak menang Maharaja Lawak Mega, nak share lah buku apa aku tengah baca sekarang! 

Baru volume one, blom habis baca lagi, 1000 lebih pages mengandungi 2 novel and  banyak short stories. Sila baca! Interesting reading ni!

Nicholas Sparks ni memang sangat popular, dah banyak buku-buku dia yang diadaptasi jadi movie. Yang first movie aku tengok A Walk To Remember time kat cenfos, yang tu lah jugak yang memperkenalkan aku kepada penulis hebat ni! Lelaki tau tulis cerita tangkap nangis ni! AHAHAHA
Jadi, rajin2lah membaca. Mulakan sikit2 dulu kalau malas, macam baca paper, lepas tu majalah, lepas tu artikel2 di internet, lepas tu short stories, lepas tu novel, tu untuk yang tak berapa rajin nak membaca lah. Kalau nak lompat terus ke baca cerita panjang2, boleh putus semangat nak baca sebab tebal AHAHA. So take a slow step, no need to rush okay!


p/s- bila aku tengok cerita Definitely, Maybe, tiba2 aku rasa suka ngn buku second hand, aku lagi suka kalau dalam tu dah adai nscription2, ada nama ke ape, so aku pun try beli buku kat ebay, dpt lah buku Eclipse for 99 cents (american dollar) tapi sebab cost penghantaran jadi puluh2 jugak lah.. tapi sayang takde tulis apa2 dalam tu -___- yg dia bagi cuma printed incription yg aku yakin di translate guna Google Translate AHAHA. Kalau ada nak trade buku bagi tau aku!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Bookstore, A Dream

Assalamualaikum sahabat-sahabat sekalian! Malam ni semangat lah pulak nak tengok final Maharaja Lawak Mega...HAHA tak pernah tengok live show pun biasa tengok ulangan2 je, tu pun kalau nak tengok. Tapi just for tonight, won't hurt for a bit of laugh kan? Jadi sebelum tu nak lah tulis sesuatu. This thing just pop in my head tengah2 dengar khutbah Jumaat pasal istiqomah. Rasa macam nak bukak sebuah bookstore. Apa kaitan istiqomah ngan kedai buku kan? Aku pun tak pasti, tapi terdetik hati. AHAHAHA. So balik rumah tu aku pikiaq punya pikiaq, memang macam kuat pulak semangat nak ada sebuah bookstore! 

Aku seorang penggemar buku, dan juga pembaca buku. Aku kalau pegi mana-mana shopping complex aku mesti nak kena pergi bookstore. Dulu aku suka pergi Borders sebab boleh baca buku lama-lama. AHAHAHA. Aku suka pergi sorang2 sebenarnya sebab takdalah orang nak tunggu aku dok lama2 dalam kedai buku tu. Bookgasm, seriously! Aku paling suka buku baru-baru, yang masih nampak perfect, takde lipat2, bila selak bunyi, perghh bunyik helaian-helaian kertas tu dibukak macam bunyi orkestra. AHAHAHA. I know, hyperbolic, nevermind me. AHAHAHA tapi betul, aku tau bukan aku sorang macam tu, ramai lagi! And just the thought of having a bookstore, my own bookstore is like a dream coming true, cheh! 

Apasalahnya kan? Walaupun aku belajar nak jadi seorang landscape architect it doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to have other dreams right? AHAHAHA. Kalau boleh nak ada sebuah before kahwin. Ehem2. Nak propose kat situ AHAHAHA. Duh! -___-" Berangan je lebih, belom apa-apa. 

It's just I feel like home in a bookstore, pergi Kinokuniya pergh macam ada rumah di Jepun (sebab nama Jepun kan?) pergi Borders ngan The Times rasa macam kat omputeh punya negara, pergi MPH macam....di Malaysia jelah kan. Kalau aku nak buat nanti rasa macam kat manalah pulah agaknya? AHAHA. So untuk membantu menaikkan impian yang satu ni nak tunjoklah sikit macam mana rupa kedai2 buku yang ada. Kalau kuat hati nak capai impian, InsyaAllah akan jadi kenyataan lah, tapi bukan dengan berkhayal, dengan usaha. 

Title buku yang banyak ni memang bagi Bookgasm!

Ada tempat duduk2, in certain bookstore ada Starbuck lagi!

Err...Flourish and Blotts, tau kat mana??? Jyeahhhh Diagon Alley...kalau tak tau Diagon Alley, pergi baca Harry Potter

Gaya kedai buku yang lebih moden..tapi warna kuning tu bagi aku sangat distracting -___-"

Conventional bookstore, skema susunannya AHAHA

And yang ni kalau tak salah aku antara kedai buku yang paling cantik dan awesome!
Peeps, doakan2lah aku berjaya capai impian aku yang satu ni. Kat tempat aku Mukah tu takde lagi bookstore yang decent, yang setaraf even MPH, belom, belom ada lagi. So aku kalau boleh nak lah ada satu, pastu kalau maju nak expand ke luar, chewahhh... Hey, don't be afraid to dream. It's one of the step needed to succeed okeh!

p/s- lepas tu aku imagine jemput J.K Rowling datang untuk beri ceramah2 aku jemput budak2 sekolah dan universiti datang untuk tengok, perghhh, jauh fikiran aku melayang! AHAHAHA

p/s #2- apa agaknya nama sesuai untuk sebuah bookstore? yang catchy2, aku dah terfikir satu, tapi nak gak tau korang punya idea. :D

Anda Sensitif?


Assalamualaikum pelakon-pelakon sekalian! Bagaimana watak2 anda hari ni? Baik? Jahat? Sihat? Sakit? Apa2pun semoga korang sihat2 belaka dan ada niat baik hari ni okeh?

Mungkin ada yang tak tau, atau mungkin ada yang dah perasan, aku ni seorang yang sensitif. Sangat2 sensitif, tapi aku boleh kontrol riak muka. Kalau aku sedih, aku suka nak sedih sorang, kalau aku happy barulah aku nak share ngan orang lain. Sebab apa? Aku percaya circle of happiness. Kalau kita happy dan bergaul ngan orang lain, orang lain pun happy jugak. Kalau kita sedih and lepas tu begaul ngan orang, orang lain pun jadi sedih jugak, gloomy terus suasana. Betul. Aku memang macam tu. Aku tunggu orang yang special untuk jadi tempat aku meluah sedih, sebab pada aku dialah nanti akan jadi my very own cheerleader. : )

So tengah scan timeline twitter tadi aku tengok lah tweet sorang sahabat yang nampak macam sedih. Aku pun tanyalah kenapa bersedih. Dia kata aku mungkin tau. Aku cakap aku ikhlas tak tau. Lepas tu I put my detective skills to work. Yes, I got detective skills, belajar dari Sherlock Holmes and Detective Conan okeh. AHAHA. So aku jumpalah yang mungkin menjadi punya dia bersedih. Selepas tu aku bagitau sahabat ni tadi aku mungkin dah tau, and dia komfemkan. Jadi apa kaitan cerita ni dengan sensitif di atas? 

Kadang2 aku rasa bersalah atas sebab yang tak patut. AHAHA macam aku tengok kawan aku ni jarang tegur aku, aku mesti nak fikir, apa yang aku dah buat kat dia? Aku cakap kasar ke? Aku terover joke ke? Aku mesti selalu fikir balik. Tapi bila lepas tu okay balik barulah aku terfikir mungkin aku over-emotion. Nak kata over-reacted aku tak react apa2 pun kan, pikir2 aje. Itulah betapa sensitifnya aku. Lagi-lagilah kalau ditempat awam, macam kenduri-kenduri, expo-expo atau dalam bas ke LRT ke, kalau orang pandang2 aku mesti rasa eh, ada kotoran ke kat muka aku? Ke baju aku koyak? Seluar koyak?? Ada sisa makanan terlekat kat gigi? Ke ada orang tampal 'Look At Me' kat belakang aku ke. AHAHAHA. Memang fikiran aku terus kat situ. Sensitif kan? Sensitif ni bagi aku bukanlah sekadar nak sedih-sedih atau mudah terasa aja. Tapi even the slightest thing can make you happy or sad or confuse or macam2 feeling lagi.

Jadi janganlah kata, bila orang tu sedih sikit terus nak kata, eh sensitifnya kau. Kalau dia jumpa duit sposen kat jalan terus happy tu pun sensitif jugak. AHAHA. Betol ke tak betol?


Ah. Jauh menyimpang. Kembali ke topic yang nak aku cakap sbenanya. Aku dah lama tinggal kan studio. Aku dah nampak diorang happy. Aku belom nampak lagi diorang sedih-sedih. Jadi bila dapat tau ada something wrong, aku pun fikir, alamak, salah aku ke semua ni? Jangan tanya kenapa, aku memang macam tu!! Aku ingat dulu, kitorg ada sesi luah perasaan memasing. Sebab bilangan kitorang dulu paling sikit kalau nak dibandingkan dengan tahun-tahun lain. Sipi2 je 20 orang lebih. Lepas tu sorang-sorang tinggalkan group, termasuklah aku, Tapi bagi aku, kami tetap kuat walau macam mana pun. Dululah, masa aku ada ngan diorang. Ni aku tak ada, aku memang tak taulah. Aku kalau mesej kawan2 pun tanya pasal projek diorang, bukan tanya gossip2 hangat studio, itu aku taknak tau lah. Tapi bila dapat tau, aku mesti nak salahkan diri aku dulu. Agak2 perangai macam tu betul? Ke nak salahkan orang lain dulu baru salahkan diri sendiri?

Tapi apa-apapun, semua masalah ada penyelesaiannya. Aku tau, semua kat studio baik-baik belaka. Yang tak baik tolak tepi. Aku doakan diorang yang terbaik, sebab aku dengar diorang memang yang terbaik dah. Sampai final year student pun disuruh untuk tengok kerja-kerja diorang sebagai 'benchmark', dari practitioner lagi tu. Aku tumpang bangga je. Aku tak buat apa-apa pun kan? AHAHAHA...

Till next time peeps!

p/s- tajuk khutbah tadi pasal istiqomah...buat sikit tapi berterusan, itu Allah suka. InsyaAllah aku nak kembali tulis sikit-sikit kat blog ni, dah lama gak menyepi... And kalau diberi kudrat, nak 'revamp' sikit, nak kasi power sikit setiap entri. Bukan apa, blog aku ni agak menyedihkan buat masa ni, sorang dua orang tiga orang je yang baca sehari, kadang-kadang takde orang pun. AHAHA. So, doakan2lah eh! Assalamualaikum!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Before You Die

Assalamualaikum peeps! Apa cerita? So sebab pagi tadi lambat sikit bangun, and bila dah bangun check2 Yahoo! pun blom ada artikel best2, so baru je ni tadi aku check lah balik, terjumpa satu video yang agak menyentuh hati dan perasaan (mind you, I don't cry for this one!) AHAHA. It's about a kid, 18 years old who died on Christmas night, a few days ago. But before that, this is the his final video, which went viral. I'm touched. :')


Don't be such a robot.

Taman Tasik Bukit Mas

Assalamualaikum makhluk bumi! Harap anda semua sihat2 dan tak gedik2 belaka. ;P So, aku dah dua bulan lebih stay ngan Usu (Melanau for Mak Su)  and baru hari ni aku jejak kaki nak tengok Taman Bukit Mas... Kalau Bukit Mas aje dah selalu dah sebab depan rumah. Walaupun accessible je dari tu, tapi macam malas sebab kena naik bukit turun bukit, -__-" macam orang lelama dulu plak dah kan. AHAHAHA. So ambik jalan senang lah, pergi ke pasar, pastu aku jalan sorang2 pergi Taman tu, atas bukit, kena naik tangga sikit bawah terik2 panas. Boleh je ajak cousin aku join tapi dia macam ada plan ngan awek dia kot aku malas nak kacau. Aku nak ambik gamba sikit2 je dulu. Apa istimewa nya taman ni? Tak sure pun, aku tak tau lah tasik atas bukit tu satu rarity atau tak, tapi bagi aku macam spesel sebab baru pernah pegi tempat sebegitu rupa! Aku adalah snap gamba sikit2, saja nak share daripada entry ni nampak kosong kan? :D

From a higher point...this is taken at 3 o'clock, so not many people come yet. Usually they come later in  the evening for jogging and stuff, mostly yeah, jogging.

But the wooden pathway isn't in very good condition :(

The bridges has kinda Chinese influence on it

At times there will be remote control boat racing organize here, and some would play just for fun.  My Usu told me there will be one tomorrow. I don't know, but I'd love to watch it.

Connecting two sides of the lake is this suspension bridge, for someone who has fear for height I don't think they'll ever cross this...you can opt to walk around the lake, one round will take around 15 minutes give or take a few minutes.
When you are in Limbang make sure you know where to go. Make really careful plans on where to go, what to see all that stuff because to be honest, there's nothing much to see or to do near it. Might as well go to Brunei and see loads of stuff especially the difference between our culture or architecture or just rules and regulation. You know a cigarette packs in Brunei can cost up to 14 Brunei Dollar, change that to our Malaysian money what do you got? Double of that. AHAHAHA. Just think if in Malaysia a pack of cigarette cost RM20 something, will you want to smoke?

Blog Menarik

Assalamualaikum dunia! So hari ni aku stumble upon satu blog yang sangat best, sangat informatif dan akan membuatkan kita berfikir balik betul ke tak benda yang selama ni kita buat...tapi blog ni pun personal jugaklah, ada cerita ada jugak link2 nak download benda AHAHA but we take what's good, and from the bad ones we take lesson lah, ye dok? Inilah blog dia; theotherkhairul.

Salah satu topik yang sangat menarik perhatian aku (selain satu post pasal penulis blog tu ngn geng2 dia usha bapok2 ahaha, cari sendiri!) ialah pasal adat dan adab bertunang/berkahwin. Aku pernah baca artikel seumpama itu, dan aku pun berfikiran sealiran dengan dia pasal mas kahwin sampai beribu-ribu last last end up bercerai, especially yang very publicized kinda wedding, artis2 lah biasanya. Tapi bukan sekadar artis, orang-orang kampung aku sekarang pun dah pandai mintak mahal berbelas-belas ribu! Mak aih! Kesian si lelaki, dialah yang nak menyara keluarga lepas tu, keluarga pasangan plak minta tinggi-tinggi. Tak salah nak meminta mas kahwin berangka sampai enam angka, tapi tengok2 lah bakal suami kerja apa bukan? Kalau kerja gaji 2000 ringgit je tapi nak mintak mas kahwin RM 11,111 konon nak ambik nombor cantik, haaa banyaklah cantik engkau, cantik dipandang mata, disudut hati lelaki tu, 'betul ke nak kahwin ni?'. AHAHAHA.

But whatever it is, kena samalah toleransi, kami lelaki, bukan nak membeli anak perempuan siapa-siapa. Kami cuma nak mereka jadi pasangan sah kami didunia. Kami pun tau, walaupun selepas berkahwin perempuan itu kena ikut cakap suami, tapi kami lelaki taklah kejam sampai nak halang mereka dari berjumpa keluarga sendiri. :D Kami lelaki juga selepas berkahwin bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya keatas isteri kami, jadi kami faham segala tanggungjawab tu and we will try our best to protect our beloved wife, or wives...kekekekeke, jangan marah, kuota 4 org derrrr....

So aku cadangkan kepada semua silalah baca blog encik khairul tu, tak salah kita nak berkongsi fikiran, kalau tak setuju ngan dia, bagilah komen berbentuk ilmiah, tapi bagi aku, kami berfikiran sama, so kalau jumpa insyaAllah boleh jadi geng...tehehehehe... 

Dah malam, mengantok! Jumpa di lain post, Assalamualaikum!

Mungkin nak kesini lagi, say, berbulan madu? AHAHHHA....ameeennn

Monday, December 26, 2011

Kindness Boomerang


"One Day"

Sometimes I lay 
Under the moon 
And thank God I'm breathing 
Then I pray 
Don't take me soon 
Cause I'm here for a reason 

Sometimes in my tears I drown 
But I never let it get me down 
So when negativity surrounds 
I know some day it'll all turn around 
Because 

All my live I've been waiting for 
I've been praying for 
For the people to say 
That we don't wanna fight no more 
There'll be no more wars 
And our children will play 
One day [x6]

It's not about 
Win or lose 
Because we all lose 
When they feed on the souls of the innocent 
Blood drenched pavement 
Keep on moving though the waters stay raging 
In this maze you can lose your way (your way) 
It might drive you crazy but don't let it faze you no way (no way) 

Sometimes in my tears I drown 
But I never let it get me down 
So my negativity surrounds 
I know some day it'll all turn around 
Because 

All my live I've been waiting for 
I've been praying for 
For the people to say 
That we don't wanna fight no more 
There'll be no more wars 
And our children will play 
One day [x6]

One day this all will change 
Treat people the same 
Stop with the violence 
Down the the hate 
One day we'll all be free 
And proud to be 
Under the same sun 
Singing songs of freedom like 
One day [x2]

All my live I've been waiting for 
I've been praying for 
For the people to say 
That we don't wanna fight no more 
There'll be no more wars 
And our children will play 
One day [x6]

from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matisyahu/oneday.html with slight alteration

And today I wanna share with you guys one song I just knew, a song that reminds us all about living in peace, it's not only for us, but also to the future generations. This song is called 'One Day' by Matisyahu. I was completely taken away by this sing when I watch a video about the circle of kindness (find this video below!). War brings nothing but grieve and hate, so remember, Peace yo!

Life Vest video, Kindness Boomerang, here for the message

Firdaus, Allah Loves You More Than We Do

Assalamualaikum... Ya Allah, aku baru saja dikejutkan dengan berita pemergian seorg sahabat Twitter. Ya, aku cuma kenal dia melalui Twitter, dan memandangkan aku tak pernah pergi mana-mana Twtup, so memang tak pernah jumpa. Walaupun macam tu, aku selalu baca tweet dia, kami pernah borak2 pendek di Twitter, dan dia merupakan salah seorang yang sangat aktif bertwitter. Dari tweet2 yang pernah dia post, boleh dikatakan sorang yang lucu jua. Tapi dikhabarkan tadi, melalui Twitter jugak, sahabat ni telah megalami kemalangan di Simpang Pulai dekat Ipoh mungkin (correct me if I'm wrong) around 8 o'clock petang tadi. His last tweet was around six in the evening.

Aku pun memang terkejutlah, sebab baru tadi aku bukak twitter balik and timeline penuh dengan condolences and innalillah-s, and sedekah al-fatihah; so aku pun teringat baru semalam aku RT salah satu tweet dia beserta mention skali tapi dia tak balas, so sedikit aku rasa kecewa... Tapi bila dapat tahu tadi, aku rasa menyesal ada rasa macam tu kat arwah...

Pengajaran untuk kita yang masih lagi dikurniakan daya untuk bernafas, maut datang kita tak boleh nak kata 'tunggu, tunggu sesaat'. Bila dah tiba masa kita pergi, kita akan pergi. Ada orang yang manage to survive despite the horrific accident they've been in. But kalau ketentuan Allah that's not their time to g yet, they will survive. Kalau dah ketentuan Allah yang dia akan pergi kembali kepadanya-Nya, walau tengah tidur sekalipun, akan pergi jua.

Aku sebak membaca tweet2 dari rakan2 yang akrab dengan beliau, so aku tutup twitter. I've read enough. I prayed for him to be amongst the believers. And that's it. Life must go on. Mungkin ni boleh jadi wake-up call to anyone who cares, or this is just another casualty bagi kita. We choose. Apa kita boleh buat ialah banyakkan doa, lihat balik amal kita, dan topup apa yang patut, tambah lagi and perbaiki mana yang kurang.

Dan Firdaus, sesungguhnya Allah menyayangimu lebih daripada kami menyayangimu...Semoga engkau ditempatkan didalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. Ameen.


Just a few of the condolences and du'a, let's pray Firdaus will be among the Believers, and just like his name will be place in Firdaus, Ameen

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Random Stuff


Assalamualaikum...you know, aku try blaja sorang2 macam nak nak buat template blog aku so that it will look even more personal, even more, me. But well, it's kinda hard... Not that I'm giving up, but I think maybe for this kinda thing, I need external help, from people who are very familiar with codes and stuff. What do I know? I know how to write normal stuff and that's it. So, today I tried the new design settings by blogger, I found out it's quite interesting, and a little easier than before, thank God. But it doesn't mean I be a slacker, I want and I will find someone who can teach me how to write my own codes for this thing. It's kinda annoying and trust me, I'm a little bit jealous with people who knows their way around this stuff!

Okeh, despite aku dah boleh dikatakan 'cuti lama' tapi aku rasa macam masih belom cukup produktif lagi ngan 'projek' yang aku tengah usahakan...dateline dah makin dekat, so it really is a rush now! If I don't hurry up, and don't produce as much as I should have, this will all be a total waste. I know something at the back of my mind is holding me back, but that's not just another excuse I should make. But really, if I can find out about this thing at the back of my head, made it clear for me, than I think that would ease things up a bit, whatever the outcome may be. I made a few contacts with my friends for enquiries, and I hope that will help me a little. In case you're figuring what is it, well, I'm not gonna tell you yet until I can confirm it. After that, I will tell you everything. So best pray for things to run smoothly for me, I'm just doing things that I am suppose to do. :)


You know I love you guys. Goodnight!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Microblogging


Assalamualaikum....di kala rajin nak update blog ni, baik aku update... Kesian gak blog ni, macam, hidup segan, mati tak mahu, AHAHAHA... Mungkin satu sebab the rise of microblogging, especially Twitter, yes, I mostly update stuff on Twitter because one, I can send update via sms by phone, no internet excess needed and probably two; audience lagi ramai disana... I mean, I have not very much info to share, this blog is mostly personal stuff so it gets kinda boring right? AHAHAHA *apalah kutuk blog sendiri -__-"*

Setiap kali janji nak update blog regularly, setiap kali tu lah takkan ditepati janji tu, so now I know not to make such promise, so maybe kalau ada nak feel or bagi opinion yang panjang lebar berjela-jela, I'll wrote it here because Twitter allows 140 characters only, and no one really clicks on twitlonger links (I believe so! sebab aku pun malas nak klik link2 tu ahahaha) So if you guys got a Twitter account, look me up @azamofficial, yep, that's me....DP sentiasa berubah but that tweethandle won't change for a long time....


If I haven't lost any readers yet, I would like to thank you for sticking up for me all this time. I thank you for spending a little time to read my not so informative blog, but I'll try to look for some quality reading for you and I both. That's not a promise though! AHAHA

Jiwa Sentimental Tengok Kawan-Kawan Happy

Assalamualaikum... So today aku dapat lihat wajah-wajah ceria bekas (yes, bekas) budak studio aku dulu yang baru habis internal portfolio hari ni, maybe ada lagi satu external kot lpas ni aku tak tau laa.. Sebak rasa tengok diorang semua happy happy nampaknya AHAHAHA, kalau sebak tu, dah tentu sebabnya rasa rindu... Diorg ni, bukan mcm classmate biasa, diorang ni studiomates, and sepanjang dua tahun bersama diorang, dah rasa macam satu family...bagi aku lah...tengok2 gambar dalam facebook oleh Ika tadi tu, menitik plak air mata, sayu siott...jantan memang jantan, tapi hati aku taklah sekeras batu, aku memang sangat menilai sentimental value sesuatu tu...so bila tengok gambar diorang, aku ingat masa aku bersama diorang, aku ingat semasa aku berada dalam gambar bersama diorang...

Kalau aku kembali pun ke UIA tahun depan, yang pastinya aku bukan lagi satu studio ngan diorang, things will be different, memang rasa a little bit childish yang aku macam tak bleh nak comprehend the thoughts of not being with them... Aku dah rasa for more than six months tak bersama diorang, and it's not pretty. It's not my intention just to leave them like that, but it's very circumstantial. Nanti2lah explain part tu. And most probably I will not be back to UIA. I'll explain that later too.

Anyway, kalau ada diantara diorang yang baca ni, harap2 ada, macam Fatin ngan Ika yang ada blog tu, aku harap diorang baca, just nak bagi tau, I'm so proud of you guys, broke my heart to leave you guys, I really wanted to be a part of Studio Kecil back, but I don't know if I ever could. Aku just nak bagitau, aku tak pernah lupa korang, aku memang rindu korang sangat2, aku serius bila aku cakap aku menangis tengok gambar yang Ika post tu. And I hope that says something. :)

Inilah diorang2 yang selalu menceriakan hidup aku kat UIA dulu

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

In The Name Of Freedom (or so they say)

We all have to agree that, for the past few years we have seen quite a number of changes happening around us. Whether it's political or not is a different issue, but the main thing is, 'changes' or as our Prime Minister repeatedly said, 'Transformation'. Well, not many people like the words nowadays, but it is happening in front of our very eyes. Yes we denied it. We have seen Bersih and Bersih 2.0, where people gathered in yellow to prove a point, to make a statement. I don't deny it's a good effort, it shows Malaysian is no longer clueless of what's happening, they find the need of freedom to speak their mind in different kind of media. It's really great, it really is. We have seen it in other countries, but now we have seen it in our country.

People, not only Malaysian, but people of the world need freedom. We have read history, time and time again there will be someone stepping out from the crowd, fighting for what they believe. Now we see it here, in Malaysia. And the latest issue, the 'Seksualiti Merdeka' event that will be held on November 9 to 13. The question is, should or, should not the event be held despite the controversy that made headlines and news?

This is my view:

I will start with the reality. All over the world, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) group aren't very well accepted in the society. They were the queer, they were the different, they were the black sheep of the community. This is true. Even in a freer country like America, there is still bullies and discrimination happening towards this group of people. But of course, compared to Malaysia, they're a lot more tolerated, and a lot more 'mainstream' than our country. Some of them were tortured and teased, until some of this people, especially kids and teenagers chose to end their lives. It's a reality.

And next 'what do people think of these LGBT group?' I've read many articles regarding this stuff, watched interviews on TV and videos from the internet. Some people thought this kind if act isn't suppose to exist. People hate them because they're different. While some hate, some do support them. They said these people need to be stood up for, someone has to back them up, someone need to support their decision, someone need to accept them the way they are. In Malaysia, the last time this group wasn't suppose to exist. We can't deny they don't exist, but at least they were discreet enough to keep it at the low. But now we have seen the movement to make it out there. They want people to accept them as who they are, they want to get out of the closet freely without worry. What do you think about them? Do you think it is wise to truly admit you want to be with someone of the same sex? That's on you.

Now we move to, is it relevant in Malaysia, where majority of people is Islam, the official religion is Islam, for us to have this kind of activity. We all know in Islam, intimate relationship with the same sex is a sin. We have been taught through the story of the prophets, particularly Prophet Hud and his people, the Sodom, having relationship with what we knew today as Gay and Lesbian, including his own family, and how Allah punished them by flipping over their land which now we knew as the 'Dead Sea'. Does this story did not convey any message? Or are we ignoring it? If this event evokes anger in a lot of people, brought more hate than the original intention of making people accept them, should it still be allowed? What if the majority of people did not want this event to be continued and the minority still wants the event to go on, what happen to democracy? Is it fair if many oppose, a few support but still 'Seksualiti Merdeka' goes on, is it fair?

Now I share with you my personal view on this; I don't think 'Seksualiti Merdeka' should go on. It is not because I'm a homophobes, it is not because the majority of people did not support it so I want to join the majority group, no. 'Seksualiti Merdeka' is irrelevant in Malaysia to me. You know why;

1. The term used, 'Seksualiti Merdeka' or 'Freedom of Sexuality' give people the idea of a 'free sex party' as we heard in the news. Don't blame the news if they reported it that way because it sounded like one. A little discreet program name would probably be more tolerable, and remember, I said 'probably';

2. some people label LGBT group as the new 'religion', and they say no. But the fact that the program is organized make it a religious issue. Don't say we're not a Islamic country (remember Islam is only our country official religion, if we're an Islamic country, our laws will be according to Islamic Law too), we're free to do this kind of thing. This is not a loophole people. It's the issue of morality as well; and,

3. it is most probably harmful. Despite the good intention of the organizer to educate people, and to give them awareness about the LGBT group, I fear it brings more hate than love. I personally don't discriminate these people, but who knows what others will do. It might as well tore families apart, just to name a few.

I have more to say;

Celebrities have a lot of influence to people, because they are the spokesperson, they are the role model, because the are in the public eyes all the time. We knew Elton John is gay, married to a man even, we knew that Lady Gaga is a big supported of this group, and that 'Born This Way' is the anthem to this group. Well, if you're born this way, as a man, it is only natural to you to be attracted to a woman, and vice versa, and transgender, you're born as man you want to be a woman, that's not born this way, baby. Again, I'm making a point, I'm not a homophobes. Just a person tired of listening to people talking about rights, and this, and that, what's wrong, what's right.

I had my say.

Peace!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Home And Ready To Roll

When I was on the train to Kempas Baru, Johor to visit-neyy, stay with brother for a while, there were so many things going on in my head. Of how my parents would react (especially this), how my brother would react, and worst, am I doing the right thing? I shake the latter off, I know I'm doing the right thing, I won't doubt myself anymore. That was just a small step, SMALL, but IMPORTANT first step. Alhamdulillah, my brother helped me through that moment, he spoke to my parents about it, my parents in turn were fine about it, they just thought I should have told them sooner, but still they fully support my decision. I'm really grateful for that. So now I have no reason to fail, or to back out, or to laze around. I have one year, and that one year I will make sure I'm on schedule, researching and writing at the same time.

So now I'm home, I'm really glad to be back. My cat had given birth to four beautiful kittens, I don't know how many boys, or girls (erk?) but I'm really happy anyway. Three orange-white, one black-white, really cute. I'm gonna take pictures tomorrow, their eyes were still closed. Home is always the best, now with internet connection it will help me a lot doing work.

So that's for now, I'm a little bit tired, will update you guys with more things really soon :) See ya! And thanks for reading!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Little For My STUDIOMATES

InsyaAllah tomorrow I will be heading to Johor, I will stay with my brother for a while until I sort everything out, with him, with my parents and everything. This is my first step of revealing what am I up to, with the hope that they will understand. I'm suffering alone, and I've read a self-help note from the internet not to shut myself alone, and it's not good to keep too many things to myself. And it is not AT ALL GOOD TO NOT SHARE MY PROBLEMS TO OTHER PEOPLE WHEN I'M DEPRESS. Depression can lead to committing suicide. I've been there, attempting to end my life, it's true. But I was lucky to snapped out of the idea that committing suicide will solve everything.

It's been a long time I keep the idea to myself, I let some people I'm comfortable with know a little bit about it, which helped me a little, I thanked them so much, no matter how rude they can be! AHAHA, yeah, not all people are supportive of the idea of quitting school, it's not that I don't like it there (in UIA), I love my time there, I feel like I'm apart of something big especially when my friends are around. They're like my second family, but I can't tell them everything of course, being in a tough courses, everyone has their own problem. Shunned again there.

I just hope that tomorrow will go well. I hope my brother will understand of my drastic decision, I will explain to him of my intention, and of my plan, and I will try to help him a bit here and there, I don't care, whatever it takes to make him a little bit okay with me 'taking a break' from school. I'm prepared, I talk to him on the phone just now, he said it's fine, I can go. He asked why, but I told him I'll tell him tomorrow instead. I am prepared. And he didn't ask much too, so I'm a little bit relieved. I had a staring competition with my phone before I finally hit the 'call' button.

I just want him and everyone to know that, I am a little bit depress, I really am, and I'll let you know when I'm feeling fine. You can read my tweet or my comments on twitter and facebook and say 'he's looking fine' but now I'm letting you know that, I wasn't. You think I'm running away, I will say no, I'm not running away, I'm trying to sort out my problems one by one. You think I'm making a not-so-thought-of-decision, seriously, I've been thinking for five months, how long should I be thinking?

But what you should know is, I'll be fine, I will be, I promise you that. And to all my studiomates who read this, I miss you guys so much, I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the ass, an asshole, or whatever you wanted to call me, I really am from the bottom of my heart, I love you guys nonetheless, you guys do great okay! To all of you; Akram, Aideel, Kamal, Punch, Kim, Fatin, Ika, Am, Nana, Anis Fadhilah, Anis Fatihah, Eja, Arinah, Ami, Ummi, Kak T, Kak Mas, Kak Syatus, Kak Q, Maryam, Kekek and Tikashi; I miss you guys, I love you guys always. I will return someday. :)

Short Notes 2

Seriously, I'm depressed.

Of course I am. I feel like the world is conspiring against me.

I'm depressed.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Home

I can't think of anywhere else; 'Home by Westlife'

Another summer day,
Has come and gone away,
In Paris and Rome,
I want to go home,
Mmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by,
A million people I,
Still feel all alone,
I just want to go home,
Oh I miss you, You know,
And I've been keeping all the letters,
That I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two,
I'm fine baby how are you,
Well I would send them but,
I know it's that it's just not enough,
The words were cold and flat,
And you deserve more, Than that,


Another aeroplane,
Another sunny place,
I'm lucky, I know,
But I want to go home,
I've got to go home,
Let me go home
I'm just to far,
From where you are,
I've got to come home,
Let me come home,
I've had my run,
Baby I'm done,
I want to come home,

And I feel just like,
I'm living,
Someone else's life,
It's like i just stepped outside,
When everything was going right,
And I no just why you could not come along with me,
'Cause this was not your dream,
But you always believed in me,
another winter day,
Has come and gone away,
In either Paris and Rome,
And I Want To Go Home,
I miss you, You know,

Let me go home,
I've had my run,
Baby I'm done,
I want to go home,
Let me go home,
It'll all be alright,
I'll be home tonight,
I'm coming back home.

Undisclosed 3.0

I really miss HOME,

I wanted to go back, but how do I tell them that?

My heart is not here,

My heart was left at home the moment I left the house.


Undisclosed 2.0

Where ever I am,

This is not a place I wanted to be at,

I want to go home,

There's only one home.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Undisclosed

I have to prove to myself I'm capable of living alone.

Where I am of what I do is not important. I might not be back to a place I once love, but now a place I want to stay away from. I missed my friends, of course I am, but I wont blame them if they didn't consider me as one back. I wronged them so much. But there will be a day I'll find all of them, and tell them how sorry I am.

This is for now.

But you can find me on twitter.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Woo

I think I've said it many times here lately that, I have no intention of coming back to UIA. But still, I'm going away today, to Bintulu, and tomorrow to KL.

There are two reasons why I don't want to get on that flight tomorrow;

1) I really don't wanna go; and

2) It's 9/11 (read it the American way), you know, I'm WORRIED, extra extra worried.

So here's my version of Britney's 'I Wanna Go', with a little alteration

'I..I..Don't Wanna Go...ooo...All The Way...eeee...'

Chow

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Different Sign

So today was kind of, interesting.

I won't say I don't believe in signs, some signs that only you could understand, something that makes you come to realization of a decision you want to make, something that make you ponder about other options before you make a decision. Let me make it simple, you want to drink something and couldn't figure out what, and there suddenly Coca-Cola ads came out and you know you want it, get it?


Well, today I think I've got that kind of 'sign'.

What happened?

My teacher, who happened to be my distant relative, has a husband who runs a plant nursery. So he got a job to do at MRSM Mukah. Usually his work were mostly planting trees, but the MRSM asked him to design a little green area in front of the school's entrance. He admitted designing wasn't his area of expertise, so after a lot of thinking, he arrived at one thing, ME. So my teacher came to me this morning asking if I want to do the job, I'm thinking I have two days before going to Bintulu, and later to KL, so why not, she said it wasn't that big so I said yes. You see the sign now (If you hadn't go back to my previous posts please)?

Of course I'd say yes, it was an opportunity I or anybody wouldn't want to miss, especially a landscape architecture student like me (ehem-ehem!). And I'll get paid too, so naturally I thought this is probably a one-time opportunity for me to, showcase my talent! AHAHAHA I'm not saying I'm excellent at it! Don't get me wrong.

In previous post I told you I've been thinking about quitting school and go work instead (because my big plans need a little start-up money, not that it needs much, but still...). So my option was to quit school, or to continue school. And as I weigh in my options, this kind of thing happened, out of nowhere. Just days before I might finally said to my parents 'I gave up doing this'.

I'm not saying that I'm 100% is going to stay in school because of this, but it made me stop and to weigh in more on the staying options. I want to say I had enough, but now I really don't know. It's not like I've made a concrete decision or anything, but this kind of thing sure makes the see-saw hang in balance, neither sides is up or down. No one wins, it's a tie. And this tied decision is NOT GOOD.


I know at the back of my mind, I already what's my decision is, but I can't make this decision alone. But the thing that holds me back now is, 'how are my parents going to react to what I have to say?' At this point, ignorance isn't as bliss, now I fear of what I don't know, fear of the endless possibilities there are.

So what now?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Crossroads

There was a poem I studied in secondary school, about the two roads to choose from. I can't remember the title of that poem.



I am at the crossroads of my life. There are options I have to choose from, one of the options would be my final decision. It's always hard to make a big decision in life, especially for yourself. But what kind of situation it is differs. A woman might find it easier to say 'Yes' to a proposal while another woman might hesitated. A guy might find it easier to move to another place for a job offer while another guy had to turn it down because he find it hard to move some place new, no matter how cool the job is.

And for me, it is all about my study. To continue, or to not continue it.


Why?

I am always passionate of the world of design, architecture and arts. Passionate to look at the architectural style of a building, I'm always intrigue by artistic expressions on canvas and other artworks, and I love to draw buildings, people, and sometimes fashion. I am passionate of that. But to me, it was relatively new. I didn't fall in love with architecture until I finish SPM, before the results were out that is. I have another passion I kept to myself, which is writing.

There are times in our lives we didn't realize what we're capable of. I was in a science school, I was taught to focus more on science subjects like physics, biology, and chemistry and also mathematics. Thank god I was doing exceptionally well in that field. I thought writing was mere hobby back then. I keep a journal as one of the English task, I wrote almost everything in it, my dreams, my experience. And I also read a lot, which really helped me to improve my English writing skills, speaking not so much though.

When I was 13, I wrote a novel which was actually meant to be read solely by myself because it was loosely written based on a true event about me. It was love triangle story I wrote in Malay. It was my first 'novel'. I wrote it in a large exercise books, of thirteen chapters if I'm not mistaken. I lost the book. And naturally people read it, I don't know how many people but I know there are a few of my seniors read that (because they found the book lying around in the cafeteria).

And time after time I wrote short stories, join a few competition in school (one time I got third place) and wrote a little more for myself (and obviously leaked again, found by a teacher). I didn't stop there though, I wrote outlines of novels I wanna write. And I've read a few Harry Potter books which inspires me a lot to write. But still, at that time I never thought to pursue a career in that direction, never did I thought of wanting to be a writer. At my graduation, I was proud to say I'm going to be a film director. Funny how thing goes, really.

And now I'm actually considering to be one, but I don't have any English diploma or degree to back me up.



VS



I want to think writing is natural to me.

If this is my calling, then this is what I want to do. And I feel that, this is my true calling.

And that makes a reason to choose between to continue studying landscape architecture, or to not study landscape architecture. I don't want to be in the institution anymore, that's all I know. If I pick to continue, I will be affected, but others would still be pleasant. If I pick not to, I'll be happy, but I don't think the others would (the others here means my family and friends).

Seriously, I'm picking 'not to'.

I've ask a few friends about it. They wanted me to tell my parents the truth, of what I've been thinking.

I really wanted to do that, and really quick.

That will determine whether I'm boarding the plane this Sunday, or not.

I am at the crossroads of my life.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Breakdown

Assalamualaikum and hello!

Well, actually I didn't greet you with happy notes, so try reading that with a little bit of sadness.

Going back to school when I was in primary school was fun. I was kids back then, after the holidays my friends and I were all excited to show off new things, new shoes, new pencil cases, new erasers, a little bit sad that the holidays are over but only for a few minutes! After meeting my friends no more sad feelings we were laughing doing our usual fun stuff, make a few teachers got angry for not finishing homework, so what? As a kid I was a little carefree.


Secondary school was tough for me, it was far from home, I went back only at long holidays, usually twice a year during two semester breaks. I took a year to adjust myself being independent from my parents, it was pretty hard, it was a train-wreck back then. I don't know how to do almost anything, except studying, I don't know how to wash my clothes, I don't know how to comb my hair because back home it was all done by my mother. She comb my hair for God's sake! Only a year later I picked myself up a bit, get steadied and live my life a little. Made a few good friends, and stayed with a few during the weekends and short holidays, it was awesome. And during the holidays, of course after spending a long time away from home, going back to school was not my joyous moment. I don't miss school, but I do miss my friends.


And now university life, I don't know why, but I don't think I'm up for it. I know there are a lot of pressure put on me, a lot of expectation from people around me, and I know I should have set the best example in my family so that my little siblings and cousins can be motivated. but now I'm thinking as if I'm doing this for them and none for myself. The worst thing is, I don't know how to tell them that. How to tell them don't expect too much from me, don't think I succeed in high school and gonna continue to succeed elsewhere. I don't know how to tell them if i hit rock bottom again. I never told them about my first years of high school. I just think that bad news are not worth it to break to them if that would only make them worried. And I always think that they are going to be worried.


Up till now, I don't share much of my problems with them, I only told a few of my friends who would listen. And I don't expect them to understand either, I just need a someone to talk to and then I came back to my usual self. Secretive.

There was a time I have a big dream.


We all have right?

There are things that I was passionate about in the past, that turn out to be a killing machine to me. I wanted to let it go. But I don't know the right way to do it. I'm stuck in the middle of two decision actually. And being stuck, not able to move anywhere is never a good thing.

I succumb to pressure a lot. By I put up a big smile on my face, but when I'm alone I was the other way round. I am Jekyll to my inside Hyde. It always has been. There was a time I took matters badly, I don't wanna tell you that, but I didn't do it. I don't know what will happen if I did that, but it's not going to be of great outcome.
I'm still struggling. I'm always depress, without anyone's knowledge. But now you know. Whoever read this that is. I make small decision myself, but to make a big decision I don't know how because if I choose to quit, I'll hurt everyone, and if I don't I'll hurt myself even more.

I seriously don't know what to do.

My flight to KL is next Sunday. I'm not thinking of going back.


Friday, August 26, 2011

When Kids Rush To Grow Up

Assalamualaikum everyone! Happy Ramadhan, which almost ends, and Happy Eid, only days to come!

When kids rush to grow up, they got two ways to end up at; the good, and the bad. I've seen how people change, among my colleagues, among my peers, among my schoolmates, some have done very well growing up, possess qualities of great future leaders, so bravo!

But we've seen through the years social problems occurring in disturbing statistics, teen pregnancies, school drop-outs, it's really disturbing. I have seen that among people closest to me, and it's not looking good. I was sadden by the fact that school children, eager to grow up fast chose the wrong path. Smoking in schools, rude to their parents, dropping out of school and stuff, some are pretty normal stuff while some will blow your mind away.

What's the problem guys?

It's not a bad thing to grow up fast, but a good thing instead. But how they choose to grow up, that is the thing that most kids and teens did wrongly.

Things to remember;

1) Smoking did not say you're a grown up;

2) Having unprotected sex, even having sex at young age, not married, is not legal, Islam forbids that, and that didn't say you're a grown up;

3) Dropping out of school and went to work instead, that didn't say at all you're a grown up;

4) Stealing, robbing, that makes you a convict, not a grown up;

5) Being rude to your parents? That's ungrateful and something you can go to hell of, not at all grown up;

There are more of course, these things up here are pretty much the things that happened the most, so tell your brothers or sisters, and if they ever show you or your parents bad attitude, inject positive things to them, don't yell, don't say anything yet. Take them somewhere, so stuff together, make them feel like a part of you and family. Physical abuse won't get the job them, ignoring do no better than that too, so heal them from the inside, touch their hearts, understand their inner thoughts and feelings, you'll find solution there!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Imperfect

Another year, another Ramadhan.

It's ten days before the end of Ramadhan, but yet I'm not satisfied of what I've been doing so far. Every year at the end of fasting month, I promised myself to do better next year. But so far I'm not going anywhere. Stagnant. Not moving. No change. A little change, but relatively no change.

This year I'm celebrating the holy month of Ramadhan full one month at home, it is great, at home with my family for the first time in many years together for a month. This could be the only year it's got to be like that. It's a shame that my brother can't join us since he has been posted in Johor. Good luck brother, I'm gonna visit you one day of course.

It's been imperfect.

If I could see another Ramadhan, I'll do better.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sneak Peek 2: The Day The Earth Was Taken

I've written a few, well, just this morning after sahur I dreamed of alien invasion. It was a really awesome dream, I was never interested in writings about there alien being, but then, I think it would be interesting to write about! Here's a little from The Day The Earth Was Taken, enjoy!


PROLOGUE: MEMOIR OF THE REMAININGS

They claimed the Earth was once theirs; left to regain back its life, its resources. Human were unprepared. There’s nothing that we can do. The aliens, they came with peace, but demanding. The human, incapable of understanding the history of these being, opt to attack. And so the war began. But of course when there’s a war, there were casualties, to both side of human and aliens. Only these outside beings, they’ve known us since we don’t even know ourselves. It was too easy, too quick. When human attacked, the alien stroke back in furor and power within days humans were wiped out, not all, those who resisted mostly, and to those who fear their lives taken, they were spared.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Surfacing: Chapter One (Part Three/Last Part)

Hey guys, thanks for continuing to read my work! I really appreciate it! And here's the last part for chapter one! But to those who haven't have the chance to read the previous parts, here you go!

Surfacing: Prologue---> http://bit.ly/oL8fCl

Surfacing: Chapter One (Part One)---> http://bit.ly/n2schq

Surfacing: Chapter One (Part Two)---> http://bit.ly/pqGXFf

Here you go and as usual, enjoy, comment and share okay! :) thanks!


SURFACING: CHAPTER ONE (PART THREE/LAST PART)


He walked closer to them, and sat on a rock few yards away from them, and watched her doing whatever she’s doing, probably dancing, but not a full dance as it seemed because each time she move, she froze abruptly and the other woman clicked the device and sent out flashes. But the devices didn’t take off his interest to the girl at all. He didn’t care what human may have at the moment, all he cared about was the girl.

After a while, they stopped working and went to a tent nearby, she chatted with the device-woman and the directional-man, she saw her gasped, but in a good way though. She jumped on her feet looking excited, and smiled in glee. She was enchanting, he thought. Then they left her all by herself there, she didn’t go with them to the tent. She played with the sand, and walked to the tip of the water, running from the catching waves and for a second he saw a glimpse of wonderment in her eyes. He wanted to get closer, but he was afraid if the water touched him, he would return to his original self, something he wouldn’t want to do in front of her. She then waved goodbye to the others as they packed and left. She was all alone, and the sun was setting. The waves were getting weaker and weaker. A few birds flew against the orange sky, and there are only about five people including him at the beach now. The girl was there too. She just stood there, watching the sunset. He wondered whether she remembered what happened last month.

As the orange sky got darker and the moon shined for a change, she strolled back up the beach, and there they meet eye to eye. A part of him wanted to hold her by the hand, and never let her go but he couldn’t, instead he froze. For a moment there he sensed that she too, had a recollection of memories buzzing in her head, maybe trying to figure out where had she saw him. He felt for moment, like even time slowed down.

But time didn’t stop, and so did she. She didn’t stop at all. She walked passed him, as fast as she could, and as he gained back his mobility, he turned back to watch her go, and saw she was watching him too. But still, she walked away anyway.

It’s like magic. Somehow in her subconscious mind she had seen his face when he saved her. She might not know where exactly had she seen his face, but she might as well felt at some level, she knew he was not just a random guy. That’s what he’d established from that quiet, awkward moment. He just knew that she might have a bit of feeling for him. He was sure of that.

Seeing that no one was at the beach anymore, and he glanced back towards the road, nobody’s there. He walked a few yards away towards a jetty. The wood creaked as he stepped on them, and he walked to the edge of the jetty. He looked into the sea and began singing something, something beautiful, but only recognizable to his kind, only to be understood by his kind. And a few minutes later Gerald appeared.

‘You’re late Morgan,’ Gerald said, more of a statement, to which he knew later Gerald would want all the details of his adventure. He smiled and took off his shirt and then plunged into the sea. In a matter of minutes his legs will changes to tails and he knew he would want to go back to the human world again.

Surfacing: Chapter One (Part Two)

Hey guys, thanks for reading 'Surfacing'! If you missed the earlier part of the story, here's where you can find them!

Surfacing: Prologue---> http://bit.ly/qjdovq

Surfcing: Chapter One (Part One)---> http://bit.ly/n4w8DX


Here's part two of Chapter One: The First Time for you! Keep reading, enjoy, comment and share okay! :D



SURFACING: CHAPTER ONE (PART TWO)

On the next day, the woman doctor—Caitlin, her name was Caitlin, dropped by his room to examine him again. She checked again for any sign of talking, chatted rapidly and questioningly, but rather disappointed that not a word came from him.


‘But you’re fine, nothing abnormal about you, except for the not-talking thing, are you sure you weren’t mute from birth?’ He responded with a smile and shook his head. She shrugged and told him that he could leave right now, and she gave him clothes—human clothes, a black shirt, and for the his newly grown legs—of course she didn’t know that—apparently they were called pants. Mermen were wrong at this point—human were not all cruel, some of them were caring, they were attentive to each other.


Caitlin walked him out of the hospital, They passed quite a number of other patient, some with some kind of thin, steel pole next to them filled with water maybe, and some of the same pouch contained reddish liquid, blood, from the smell of it. She told him if anything came up to go to the place—hospital, as soon as possible. She bid him goodbye and walked back in. He hadn’t got any idea where he should go, to the beach, but which direction? There were a lot of things moving on some kind of paths, with wheels so it seemed. Just like the chariot underwater, but these things got four wheels, and they were called cars, and the paths to be more accurate were roads.


He wandered along the road, walking where people walked to be safe, stop when people stopped at some point, and after quite a while he heard the sound of the gushing waves, and he was near to the beach, to the sea now. The Snake mermaid told him, to return to his original merman form, all he needed was to touch the sea water. He founded the beach a few moments later, as the blue sea sparkles from a far, glittering in the sunlight, much like the mirrors of the building he passed by.


He can’t wait to get back. He got loads to tell Gerald, his brother. He strode fast with his long legs; his was quite shocked yesterday to find how easy he could walk without any practice at all. He reached the beach, a lot of people during the day, there’s people in the sea too so it’s not safe to return to the sea. He watched the human doing their stuff; some have big sphere of many colours; bouncing and passing it to another; and some threw something while the other catches. Some just lie there on the sand under a big colourful, jelly-like objects, umbrella they were called.


And then he saw her; he saw the one who made his heart raced. The one who made him abandoned the sea; the one who made him broke the restriction to make contact with the human’s world; the one he had been willing to sacrifice his life for. He had not chosen among his kind for this strong feeling, but after he saw her for the first time, he knew there’s something about this girl that he liked. Something that made it worth to break all the rules. Something called love.


But then, as he was all-aware, his purpose was ceased to triumph. In fact it backfired to himself. How could he talk to the girl? How could he make her love her by being mute? So they say. She looked graceful in the gleaming sand, wearing white dress which playfully and gracefully dancing in the wind. Her bright white hair amazed him; he hadn’t had the chance to see her eyes. She looked beautiful and carefree, as if nothing had happened to him. She got a lot of crowd circling her, some with giant white screen, one woman with a device with her, at some point flashes lights, and there’s a man beside her which told her what she should do. What was she doing?



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