Knowing When To Back Off

I talk to a friend of mine. I usually need some comfort from really good friends when I am in my paranoid moment like when my texts doesn't get a reply or when some one bail on me for no apparent reason. It was nothing big, but I guess sometimes I think I just need people to remind me that sometimes I need to back off. I have been backing off all my life I guess, that at certain time that I should have backed off, I didn't. And then I get all panicky.

I know it seems like I have been emotionally unstable of late. I can't say I didn't. Because I am. Why would I lie to myself, telling me I'm good, I'm great when I truly suffer inside. It's just that sometimes it sucks being on the receiving end of empty promises. Vague promises hurts even more. It's a false hope. So I told my friend about my situation and he said to me, 'you should have known better'. I guess I should have. But now I don't know if I ever learn anything.

You might notice that I didn't mention what's the problem is all about. But i guess it's better if you don't know. I'm writing this is merely to outsource my frustration. I can't keep all my feelings inside of me or I might do something stupid. If feel like I have been rambling a lot lately, please bear with me. Thank you.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

I have been in many series of anxiety attacks. On my own. They were scary. You can't think straight. Things just felt like they were falling to pieces. All you thoughts jumbled up like tangled threads that you can't seem to solve, and they keep getting worse and worse until you blacked out. It's not that you fainted, it's just that you are so mentally exhausted from all the things that has been happening in your brain.

Like I said, you will never know what will happen during such attacks, you might do crazy stuff, at least I know I do, and this posting is not about me telling what stupid things I did when I had my anxiety attack, but more of a precautionary tale to everyone. I used to let myself go down that path and just breakdown. Although, I picked my time. Especially when no one is around. When I know I am all alone. It's just simpler that way. I just let myself get lost in my messed up thoughts. I cried, I yell, I talk to myself. It's like I was a crazy person. My friends would know me as the happy-go-lucky guy, the small, mischievous kid who likes to make people smile. I guess that's just an alter ego then. Deep down I was messed up.

But after years of panic attacks, I told myself this is not good. I should find some kind of coping mechanism whenever I feel like I am going down that path. I turned to sitcoms. You know, situation comedy shows, like Friends, How I Met Your Mother just to name a few. I have got loads of them in my computer. I just like to laugh it out whenever I feel down.

I know, it is not the best way to deal with my problems. But at least I feel better after that. I do have friends I can talk to, but I prefer that they are here with me so I can tell them face to face. But since they are all faraway, I guess the next best thing would be this. Although, I have started watching sitcoms while they were around, maybe I was just so much reserved about my feelings. I mean, I am not the best person to talk about my feelings, but I can sure write about them. But that doesn't make me feel better. I yearn for someone who I can talk freely too. I know there are my friends out there who can really listen to me and understand what I feel, but I guess it's just hard for me to talk about my private life to them.

I was thinking of a therapist or a shrink, someone you pay to listen to your problem and give their thoughts . But I don't have the resources, nor do we have such a person here in my hometown. So again, you should understand by now why sitcom helps me a bit. Religiously speaking, I know my responsibility and I should pray to Allah in whatever situation I am in. I did, I really did. I may not be a good person, but for all I know, anyone can pray to Him, ask Him, thank Him, whatever. I did.

So that's it. I haven't been writing much lately. I did start another blog. But I don't want to get into that. I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday and just finished watching the movie just now. The book is awesome, my favourite non-fantasy fiction book so far and undoubtedly my second favourite book, well, 8th favourite book after Harry Potter books. And the movie is great as well. I find the character 'Charlie' so relatable to me. I understand what he felt. What he wants. And what he needs. What he yearns for. He found it. And I hope I do too.

Run

Every Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I run.I run for my sake. For my health. But I don't run all the way. Most of the time I just walk and soak in the ever changing environment around me. I run on a path less travelled. Somewhere I can find an hour or peace, with a little disturbance from the vehicles, but it is not so bad. The thing is, I love running now. I don't want to miss it ever. I will not go running only when it's raining. Other than that I feel obligated - but good obligation, something that I am happy to do. I feel free.

A lot of things happened to me this year. It is a challenge. It is one of the toughest year. One of the most emotional years I have ever had in my life. I thank Allah that I am still standing, still strong to go through this life. I am grateful for the positive energy running through my veins. I do get down at times, but somehow I manage to grasp the light and keep it close so I won't fall into the bottomless pit of darkness. I am glad for that. It gets me thinking, what would happen if I couldn't see any hope in front of me?

But there is always hope. It's a cliche, but cliche doesn't mean the thing is not true. It just means, it does happen. Hope does exist and I believe in that. I am reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, it is a great book. One of the greatest book I have ever read, at least to me. I am halfway through reading the book but I can tell you that, it is about personal growth through and through. There are low points in our life, and there are some silver linings.

I may not be studying. I may have dropped out of college, though unofficially yet, I may not be working with big companies and making enough money to support my family. But at least now I am doing something to bring in something. I just wish I found it sooner, so at least I could have bought my brother and my new sister-in-law something as a wedding gift. I'll get them something, for sure. Just not now. 

See, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. And sometimes, I just can't control them as the spiral in my brain and induce stress on me. So, I run. Somehow running clear my head. It's not that I stopped thinking, it's just I can organize my thoughts clearly when I'm running. I don't run from my problem. I just face them while I ran. Two birds, one stone.

Joining The Army/Navy

Hello guys, Assalamualaikum.

It's been about a week since my brother's marriage. I've got a sister-in-law now, she's cool. The wedding was awesome, the families gathered and it was a fun three days. I got to be my bro best man too. Now he is with his wife in Kuching having some kind of a honeymoon before he departs to Johor this Thursday.

But now that's over.

I've been sending application for jobs from yesterday. I've e-mailed a dozens of request but yet to get their reply. I've been sending application for a writing job, mostly for article writing but by far none have reply back. I was just sending a couple of application to hotels. But still I feel very picky, and at time like this being picky isn't the best thing to be. 

I texted a friend yesterday telling him if everything looks good (health wise) I wanted to join the army or the navy. But he said he thought I've given up studying. But to be honest, I need a job, now that my brother is married he has his own family to take care of so now I am the number two guy in the family after my father. I'm afraid that if I don't get a paying job now, thing might get a little tight. I'm not saying being in the army will guaranteed a nice living, heck, I'm not sure if I can even get in, but at least I can give some back to my family after all I've been through. 

I have wanted to join the army about a year ago. When I was at my aunt's house which is located near to an army base, the army men came to my aunt's shop often to hang out. I chatted with them and one of the guy is my age. He said it was fun. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't peer pressure, but I feel like maybe I can do something for my country, and for myself if I join the military. I'm leaning on towards the navy though. I've got to go on some personal training though the get a few requirements fulfilled to qualify. But that's not the biggest problem. I had to tell my parents about postponing my studies, again, for the third time.

Like my friend suggested, he said I was giving up my studies, but I guess I don't. I mean, you have to practice and study to become and army guy, doesn't that count? I am motivated to join, although I know it that the word 'hard' will be such an understatement for what lies in front if I choose that career path. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and physically for that. 

I guess that's it for now. 

Hurdles

Baru teringat kisah lama.

When I was 12, sebelum UPSR, cikgu-cikgu pun tengah cari wakil sekolah untuk acara padang. Back then, I was a very active kid. Masa tu, acara 100 meter, sapa yang menang saringan akan masuk akhir berlawan ngan budak-budak dari darjah lain. Aku punyalah berlari sekuat hati bila cikgu jerit 'Mula!'. Aku tak tengok belakang. Menang. But, I wasn't the fastest. One of my friends Zaid is faster than I am. So does E-ein. Aku tak tanya kenapa. Lepas habis, biasalah, diorang berkumpul ngan aku. Aku cakap, 'korang kan lagi laju.' Aku cakap dalam bahasa Melanau lah of course ahaha. Diorang jawab, 'kitorang bagi laluan untuk kau.' As a kid, tak terharu pun, bangga lah menang kot. E-ein cakap diorang lari block jalan orang lain untuk kasi aku menang. Aku rasa dah boleh wakil sekolah.

Cikgu panggil balik. Alang-alang dah laju, boleh join acara hurdles plak.Tapi, larian berhalangan masa tu, kitorang kena lari lompat bangku panjang kat dewan makan. Bukannya halangan macam acara sukan official tu. Aku lari-lari, tengah laju didepan kaki aku berlanggar ngan bangku keras tu. Kawan-kawan perempuan yang don rajin cheer suruh bangun. Tak boleh. Kaki aku sakit sangat. Lebam. Aku cakap, 'tak boleh, tak boleh'. Aku tak rasa diorang dengar. Mata aku dah berair, sakit, malu. Malam tu Zaid ngan E-ein lah tolong aku jalan dari surau asrama ke dewan makan.

And bila aku masuk sekolah menengah, everything changes. Aku masuk SBP di Kuching, diorang masuk sekolam menengah di Mukah. And to be honest, I thought that was a very selfish decision. They are great friends. We're bestfriends. Sekarang kalau jumpa pun, dah tak macam dulu dah. I wish it was like before.

Trip To The Doctor

Hey guy's it's been a while since I updated both my blogs. Mostly because I don't feel like it. But today's the day. Please bear with me just a little longer. ;)

Tomorrow's my trip to the doctor, this time in Sibu which is like 2 hours drive from my hometown. I'll be meeting with ENT (ear, nose and throat) specialist to get my nose checked. A doctor in Mukah, who is also my friend told me interior of my nose is swollen and he thinks I should get that checked out, for precaution. I think my friends in university knows that my nose bled quite often. AHAHA. So yeah, maybe this time I'll know what's wrong with me. :P

But hey, of you're reading this, pray for me. I hope there's nothing serious. 

I'll write more tomorrow.

Bye!

They Are At Firms, I Am At Home

I heard some good news from my friends. They have started their practical training in various landscape architecture firms. Everyone got a firm each which was pretty bad-ass. I should have been there with them, experiencing what it's like to work with real landscape architects, it would have been challenging, but it would have also been fun. I know what my decision's repercussion would be against me, but as I said before, I need a very much needed break. But it doesn't stop me from being jealous of where my friends are at now. A good jealous of course. I can't stop thinking, what if...just what if I don't take a break. What if I plough through the semesters like every other people, what if, I was healthy enough?

I can still remember in my second year, second semester. I was doing fine the first few months, great projects, I was really enthusiastic, but something happened towards the end. I don't want to discuss about it, it was a health issue really, but something happened that made me, kinda lose it. And I remember how hard it was when I was in London for two weeks after that. It was a journey of a lifetime for me, so for that, I plough through. But yeah, it was crazy.

But again, this isn't about me, this is about my friends. My successful friends, my friends who never give up like I did, I really am happy to know that they doing well after I'm gone, I'm glad that they made contact with me sometimes to update with what's going on. I heard what people commented them on, and they were positive comments, so of course I'm very happy for them. I'm feeling like tearing up writing this, seriously! I missed them so much, I feel like I've grown so much after spending a few years with these guys. But I know if I were to go back there, I have to accept the fact that it won't be the same again. We're not in the same class, in the same studio, it's going to be a little bit hard to handle and getting used to new people. 

I'm not really good with new people, but when we were in our first year, we had this part-time lecturer, to me one of the best lecturer we've ever had, although he was doing part-time teaching. He really gathered us together as a family. The first activity we did together was, a short trekking to a small waterfall just behind our university. It was great, it was the moment that I feel like, 'hey, these guys aren't that bad...' And we just clicked.

And the studio, our first studio, it was like home to us all. We've got meeting table, work stations, then pantry plus a place to rest and sleep, and dining table, no, not dining table, a 'bar' we called it. And when we were forced to abandoned that studio for a tutorial room as a studio during second semester, we were at first  mad about it. But since we were like the smallest batch compared to other batches, we understand it, although that took quite a while to sink in.

We've made a lot of memories together, you would understand too if you've gone through university years or college years. If you've created a strong bond with a group of people, it's hard to let go, no matter how long it was. It's been more than year since I've met them. I know I've missed on a lot of things. And I also know I missed them.

The Gossip

I've been hanging out quite a lot this time round with my hometown friends. Even more after we decided to do a 'business venture' together. And yesterday, we talked and talked, and my friend asked me about the gossip she's been hearing. Interestingly, it was about me! I know, I know, it wasn't supposed to be something to be excited for, but I can't help it! :D 

She knew exactly what happened but people kept asking her since we've been hanging around quite a lot lately, but not just the two of us of course, with two other friends. So she when she told me about that I was like, 'I've been waiting for this moment, I knew it will turn out someday'. And yesterday was the day it came to my knowledge. She said when she told them what I told her, they replied that I lied to her. 

To be honest, I have nothing to hide. If they were asking me, I'd told them what happened. I always do when they asked me. But when they don't I won't say anything. I'm not very much of a talker. But of course, people just doesn't want to listen to direct answers from me. They wanted to dig up stories from someone else. 

Like I said, I'm not much of a talker, a conversationalist, so I don't go around telling people this and that about me. Of course I'd appreciate it if they ask me instead of listening other people. But that's how the world work sometimes. You can't have all the things the way you want it. Unless you're a dictator of course. :P

But nah, I don't really care. And since this is kinda interesting for me, so why not blog it? Come on, I'm basically an artist right now, LOL! People gossip about me yawww! :P

p/s-i'm not really proud about that. but i can't wait to prove them wrong :D

Alternative Reality

I know, I know, there are no such things as alternative reality (maybe some scientist would believe so). But to me, the alternative reality is something that I watch on TV. No, not the news of course, those are pretty much real thing, but the TV shows, the sitcoms, the dramas, all those stuff (except reality TV, although I believe Jersey Shore, Kardashians stuff and Real Housewives stuff is in between lies and over-dramatic scenes).

I do watch a lot of TV shows. I may not watch then directly from TV because mostly I downloaded the stuff and watch them on my laptop, but still, pretty much the same. Now, what's the deal with alternative reality? Have you watch Friends? I love Friends, and sometimes I feel like I wanted to go there and live with them, yeah, I wanna live with Chandler, Joey and Rachel and Phoebe and maybe Ross and Monica... Get what I mean? And then I watch Community, I wanna go to Greendale Community College and join their study group! I wanna be friends with Abed and Troy, have a debate with Jeff and probably mock Britta for whatever she stands for, maybe fell in love with Annie because she's so sweet! And maybe treat Shirley and Pierce with more respect than anyone of the group. 

Call me crazy, but I do feel like that sometimes. I guess, those habit back when I was a child didn't die when I grew up. I mean ,we all when we were kids played Power Rangers, pretended to be them right? No, is it just me? AHAHAHAHA. But now instead of power rangers I go with much more exaggerated human characters. 

Well, whatever it is. I'm still pretty much sane. I can still differentiate reality and TV, but yeah I secretly wanted to be a character on TV.

Adios!

Ramble

Assalamualaikum guys!

It's been a while not to post anything here. It feels like a ghost town.

Nope, kidding. It wasn't. I got another blog up and running, so I'm focussing on that one. It doesn't mean I've forgotten about this one. I mean, this is my first blog ever, it's gonna stay here. 

I've got a few jobs to do, mostly freelance work of course, and of course, in the design field. I'm not gonna say what, but at least you know I'm doing something. I'm planning something else also in them middle of all this craziness. 

I just finished watching Shameless, which to me is one of the best show on TV (American TV that is, there's no way that show's ever going to be aired in this country). About a very dysfunctional but rather tight knit family and friends. It's heartbreaking sometimes, it's funny, it's serious, full of its ups and downs that you know, a lot of people can relate to. But one of the thing that best describe the show is, 'shit happens, and you just got to rise up from that toilet bowl, and don't forget to flush it'. If you know what I mean.

Well, I should be doing some works. I'm going to be busy Thursday till Friday. I'm going to sleep a few things off. Clear my head off first and start fresh tomorrow. 

Chow!

New Blog: Ajam Oppical

Assalamualaikum semua!

Sekarang aku dah ada blog baru, dari segi content wise, mungkin akan lebih kurang personal posts, tapi more kinda, information punya blog. Aku tak jamin akan kosong personal post, cuma kurang sedikit. But I don't intend for this blog to die, nope. I'm keeping this one. I'm proud of the things I've written in here, but I need a new platform for something else. 

My new blog is already up and running, so sila-sila lah visit okeh? :P Follow terus lagi digalakkan! :D

Klik disini untuk ke blog AjamOppical :D Thanks!!

What I Miss

Assalamualaikum semua!

Budak-budak UIA dah start kelas dah, seminggu dah kot. Kalau aku cakap aku tak rindu, memang tipu lah sangat. Dulu aku rasa macam akulah yang selalu datang paling awal kat kampus, AHAHA. Yelah, nak pergi sana dari Sarawak kena naik flight all that stuff, boleh tahan lamalah (tapi agak2 orang Kelantan naik bas lagi lama kot). 

Banyak benda yang aku rindu kat sana, terutama kawan-kawan. So kadang-kadang nak lepas rindu tu aku tengok balik gambar kitorang, AHAHA, I know, creepy, but it's the truth. So, ari ni aku nak list apa yang aku rindu tentang UIA.

1) Aku rindu suasana busy di KAED. Walaupun studio tutup pukul 11 setiap hari (kalau tak mintak extend) tapi ramai gak yang cari bilik tutorial untuk buat kerja, kadang kena kongsi, kat gallery lagilah ramai kengkadang...rindu pulak nak tengok budak-budak KAED tengah struggle buat projek..er, design project okay!

2) Aku rindu makanan kat UIA. Aku ni jenis yang boleh kata agak konsisten when it comes to the thing that I like, ataupu dengan perkara yang dah biasa dibuat regularly. Macam dulu masa kat PJ, tiap-tiap malam nak makan chicken chop sambil.....eh, yang tu tak payah cakap, bila kat UIA Gombak, pergi HS order Nasi Goreng Kampung Tak Nak Sayur kat kedai Noodles ape ntah, kalau kat Mahallah Ali beli yogurt ngan yong tau fu, pergi foodcourt KAED beli Nasi Ayam, pergi Farouq, Ayam KFC Cinta atau Daging masak kicap, tambah ngan French Fries, kat Bilal nasi lemak murah, perghh...rindu siottt!

3) Rindu nak berjalan pergi kelas. Sememangnya aku jenis yang jarang bersukan, so macam berjalan tulah aku nye sukan aku boleh buat, sambil nak pergi kelaskan. 

4) Rindu nak pergi berenang. Dulu pergi berenang ngan Akram ngn Kamal. Awal-awal berkecimpung (perghh) ngan berenang ni, malu kot. Nampak semua macam berenang dengan teknik, aku ni orang kampung mana blajar teknik-teknik berenang yang betol, AHAHA, dulu mandi sungai je, dari jeti buat cannonball terus, terapung ke tak lepas tu belakang kira AHAHA. Bila dah belajar sikit-sikit dari Kamal, okaylah...kurang sikit malunya....

5) Pergi 'shopping' di kedai printing dalam UIA. AHAHA. Kalau tak print, pergi sana nak beli ais-krim je pun ngan Akram ngan Anis, ahaha...kalau petang, duduk dekat depan sungai, walaupun kalau tengok air sungai tu lama-lama boleh menurunkan selera makan. AHAHA. Tapi kadang bila dah dekat tarikh submission, boleh tahan ramai yang berbaris nak print, especially kalau print yang besar-besar punya. Nak murah punya pasal, kat luar mahal! 

6) Rindu nak drive kereta Arinah. AHAHA. Yang ni sumpah, aku biasa dengan tanpa segan silunya pinjam kereta Kancil Arinah, tapi buat baik sikitlah, macam, nak beli makanan nanti tolong belikan makanan diorang sekali. Trick ni work very well tengah diorang busy buat drawing, kekekeke. Kadang-kadang mintak drive balik malam-malam kalau rasa malas nak berjalan, yang penting aku drive dulu AHAHA.

7) Rindu nak rasa 'free' setiap kali lepas Solat Jumaat. Sebab lepas tu rasa macam studio dah tak lama dah, and bila lecturer keluar je rasa macam seluruh beban kat bahu dah tak ada, padahal kerja belambak nak kena buat before Isnin ;P.

8) Rindu nak pergi Pasar Malam, walaupun kadang-kadang pergi dengan niat yang tak berapa baik di hati (contoh macam nak usya budak BMI AHAHA) tapi paling penting kena carik cendawan goreng, perghhh! Lepas tu yong tau fu...fullamak, probably berbelanja tahap gaban setiap hari Rabu tu.

9) Mungkin rindu nak eskep kelas? erk!

10) Rindu dengan rasa, tak pernah sunyi. Setiap hari ada je benda. Kalau tak jumpa kawan-kawan studio, jumpa kawan satu Kuliyyah, kalau tak tu, jumpa kawan sekolah dulu, kalau tak tu jugak, jumpa rakan-rakan satu negeri.

Aku memang rindu kan suasana tu. Orang kata, pengalaman tu tak boleh di beli, kita kena lalui baru boleh dapat. Tapi aku tak tau lah boleh pergi ke tak nanti, Aku harap sangat dapat pergi balik sana, walaupun sekejap.

Dream

Assalamualaikum guys!

It's been a while since my last post, and if you've been following my twitter updates you would know why, I don't want to mention it here, water under the bridge that kinda stuff now...

While lots of my friends are prepping for this session's second semester, I'm still home, still on 'vacation'. Not so much though. It's been tough. Sometimes what you plan didn't go the way you wanted, or in my case, the way I wanted. and if I were to crumble like a crispy cracker I would have a long time ago. With what happened last year, and early this year's 'not-much-progress' I could easily snap. I almost did, a lot of time, but I'm thankful to Allah that I can still keep my head cool and rational, and not not doing any stupid stuff. I'll drink (tea) to that!

I have a lot of things I'm yet to accomplish, I'm sure you guys have things on your lists too. In less than three months I'm turning 22. I have major things to do. I may have my time cut short, who knows, and I'd wanted to accomplish something big, not just for me, but for my family most of all. They've done a lot for me, it's my time to reciprocate. I'd love to see my parents live a happy life. It's my dream.

There are things I can control, and there are some that I can't, so I'm focusing mostly on what I can do. I have all these many things in my head I need to make it come true.I know this may sound corny, but dreams do come true. Pray for me!

Mesej Baik Sebenarnya

Assalamualaikum semua! Semalam tak post apa2, but today nak kasi short post aje, penat sikit. AHAHA. Hari ni aku kena kembali berfikiran seperti artis, untuk esok juga. Mak cik aku suruh bubuk kat dinding kedai dia something, and aku pun suggest why not buat logo 1Malaysia aje. She said okay and hari ni siap dah satu. Ada lagi nak tambah esok. AHAHA. Mungkin bagi sesetengah orang yang berjiwa sarkastik sikit akan kata, eleh, logo 1Malaysia nak kiss-a** lah tu. AHAHA. Kiss-a**? Please. There's nothing wrong with the concept. Malah mesej baik ada. Cuma ada sesetengah kelompok tutup bukan setakat sebelah, malah, kedua-dua bijik mata, betul2 tak nak terima konsep ni. Kita dianjurkan bersatu kan? Anything wrong with that? AHAHA. Takpe lah, malas nak tulis panjang-panjang, it's a very simple concept we had learn a long time ago, sapa yang tak ingat kisah sebatang lidi dengan segerombolan(?) lidi? AHAHAHA. Okeh, aku tak ingat apa penjodoh bilangan yang sesuai. Nak google pun takde mood. Duh. -___-" 

Ni dia gambo sikit2 je, Banyak poser je. AHAHAHA.

Cousin aku: Poser #1

lagi lah poser! AHAHAHA

Bolehlah tu, aku bukan komputer *alasan*

Ultimate Poser! AHAHAHA. Bukan poser weh, touch-up t.

Oklah, cukup lah untuk hari ni. Esok lagi. 

I Won't Give Up

Assalamualaikum! Smalam aku stumble upon this great song, kawan aku share kat G+, thanks to him. This song is seriously great, simple yet, meaningful. Although mostly it talks about don't give up when it comes to love, but to me it can be interpreted differently as well, like, in putting all your heart in things you love too. Enjoy! And try not to give up :)

I Wont Give Up - Jason Mraz

when i look into your eyes

it’s like watching the night sky

or a beautiful sunrise

well there’s so much they hold

and just like them old stars

i see that you’ve come so far

to be right where you are

how old is your soul?

i won’t give up on us

even if the skies get rough

i’m giving you all my love

i’m still looking up

and when you’re needing your space

to do some navigating

i’ll be here patiently waiting

to see what you find

cause even the stars they burn

some even fall to the earth

we’ve got a lot to learn

god knows we’re worth it

no, i won’t give up

i don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily

i’m here to stay and make the difference that i can make

our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts

we got yeah we got a lot at stake

and in the end, you’re still my friend at least we didn’t tend

for us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn

we had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in

i had to learn what i got, and what i’m not

and who i am

i won’t give up on us

even if the skies get rough

i’m giving you all my love

i’m still looking up

i’m still looking up

i won’t give up on us

god knows i’m tough, he knows

we got a lot to learn

god knows we’re worth it

i won’t give up on us

even if the skies get rough

i’m giving you all my love

i’m still looking up

Kenapa Aku Suka Twitter

Assalamualaikum semua! Masih terasa kemistikan probably 1/256 fish man ni? AHAHAHA Apa-apa pun kalau tak paham sila baca kat link yang aku bagi tu. Kalau terasa ke'whoaaaaa'an nya ahahaha I bet you have some ridiculous stories from your family too. Kalau rasa tipu giler, AHAHAHAHA sukati korang lah. It's just a story pun. :D.

So kali ni aku sebenanya bukan nak elaborate pasal kemistikan aku tu, tapi pasal social network, bukan yang movie tu. Social network in general.  Yes, kalau ikut, ada banyak jenis social media, pelbagai sangat. Aku pun dah lost count dah. Tapi yang biasa kita dengar ialah Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Google+, Formspring and banyak lagi lah...kalau dulu-dulu popular nya Friendster lah kan...takyah nak gelak aku tau korang pun galak main Friendster dulu! AHAHAHA. Tapi untuk kali ni, aku nak fokus kepada satu social network yang paling aku suka iaitu, Twitter! Yes, pada aku Twitter trumps Facebook like, 10 folds. 

Twitter, Tweets, Tweeps

Kenapa aku suka Twitter? Adakah pasal nak dapat follower berjuta-juta? Adakah nak jadi popular sangat? Aku pun masa awal-awal dulu ingat orang popular je pakai Twitter, cam artis-artis (bahasa twitter=retis). But it's nothing like that really. Awal-awal dulu memanglah takde feeling gila post anything to Twitter, tak dapat respond satu, aku tak kenal sapa yang aku follow and orang yang follow aku, and tak brapa ramai followers. Lama gak sebenarnya akaun Twitter aku wujud, and lepas tu aku track kawan2 sekolah ngan UIA sapa2 yang ada Twitter aku add, lepas tu banyak follow artis Hollywood(jyeaahhh, Malaywood? No No...AHAHAHA). 

Of course masa tu dapat laa mentions dari tweeps yang lain, and aku mention diorang balik, tapi takat tu jelah dulu. Tak berapa nak kembang. Until ditakdirkan suatu hari tu aku menyampuk tweet dari kawan aku ni @maxzchua pasal panda tambah duyung, and lepas tu Max pun RT tweet tu cc kat @BabyjaneJuliet. Aku tak kenal pun sapa dia, aku follow je lah lepas tu, and lepas tu dia pun follow aku balik. AHAHAHA. Agak menariklah pada aku dia ni sebab senang hati je nak reply tweet orang. AHAHAHA. Kembang idong dia baca lepas ni. ;P Twittercrush dulu tuuu. AHAHAHA

Mungkin jugak Twitter ni tempat nak bash FB AHAHAHA ;P nilah dia @BabyjaneJuliet

So lepas tu mula lah nampak otai2 Twitter Malaysia ni, ramai rupanya, MasyaAllah. Mereka ni juga dikenali sebagai #TahiTwitter AHAHAHA. Macam lawakkan? Tapi itulah, diorg ni macam setiap masa je nak tweet. Tweet plak pelbagai jenis. Dah macam2 'term' diguna kat Twitter dah aku blajar dari situ, AHAHAHA awal2 dulu memang blur gilalah, but lama2 dan tanpa segan silu nya menjadi #slowpoke kita blajar lah sikit2 nak fit in ngan orang kat sini, nak gak jadi seakrab diorang ni. And lepas tu aku discover pasal TweetUp yang singkatnya #Twtup, dia asal dari meet-up lah yang bermaksud cam gathering. Yes, dah banyak dah Twtup yang dianjurkan oleh diorang-diorang ni, cuma aku tak pernah pergi. Kalau tak boleh lah jumpa diorang2 coolbags kat Twitter di dunia nyata. AHAHA. 

Kalau kita post repeadly status kat facebook, update setiap minit, mesti rasa pelikkan? So Twitter ni memang dah jadi cam diari dah. Tapi bukan setakat diari jelah fungsinya. Tujuannya nak bagi kita well-connected with semua orang. Kalau kat facebook aku kenal kawan2 sekolah aku je, kawan2 satu U, tapi kat Twitter I met people out of my usual circle, kira macam out of the box laa sikit, it's great to have that kind of connection. Bonding dengan orang lain, bak kata pepatah, berkawan biar seribu(berjuta pun takpa). Kat sinilah jugak aku tengok mostly strangers baik2 belaka. Kalau tegur elok, eloklah reply nye ye dok? AHAHA. Aku pernah tulis kat Twitter dulu, 'Twitter is where you can see the kindness of strangers, facebook is where you can witness the dark side of your friends. AHAHAHA. Mana taknya, facebook wall tu dah jadi tempat ber-emo. -___-"

AHAHAHA. So senang cerita, dan seperti yang aku dah kata kat atas tu, aku lagi suka Twitter, aku tweet on the go pun boleh, sebab aku tak pakai smartphone macam Torch orang tu, aku pakai Twitter SMS je, pun boleh jugak. So bila2 masa aku boleh tweet. Facebook tu just tempat nak catch-up perkembangan kawan2 aku je. And tempat nak share links... Facebookers, jangan makan hati, Tweeps, korang memang coolbags! AHAHAHA!

p/s- ada lagi yang pakai Friendster? Sapa yang pakai Google+ boleh laa add aku terus, pergi profile aku haaa kat sebelah kanan ni, jumpa 'About Me' tu, akan terus pergi ke profile G+, perghhh.

Keturunan Ikan Patin, Bersaudara Ular

Assalamualaikum semua? Hari ni apa khabar? Haaaa hari ni aku nak share satu cerita pasal keluarga aku, aku pun baru tau jugak cerita ni, mak cik aku yang cerita, mak cik aku dengar arwah nenek yang cerita. Rugi nya, kalaulah boleh dengar cerita ni dari arwah nenek sendiri, mungkin lagi syok!

Haaaa, dalam keluarga aku, ada pantang, jangan makan ikan patin, yes, ikan patin, tak sure ada nama lain ke tak, tapi memang bahasa melayu nya ikan patin. Ada kat wikipedia. Ni kat bawah ni lah dia rupa ikan patin; Mudah dikenali dengan kepala yang kecil dan leper berbanding badannya yang besar. 

Nenek cakap keluarga kami pantang makan ikan patin...

Mesti nak tau kenapa kan? AHAHAHA. Kejap lagi. Satu lagi pantang keluarga kitorang, yang bapak aku tak cakap pun kat aku, jangan bunuh ular. Pernah sekali ada ular lidi kot kat tangga rumah, aku nak tangkap nak bela tapi ayah kata jangan, lepaskan. And ayah pun aku rasa mungkin tak pernah bunuh ular sebab nenek dah bagitau diorang adik beradik jangan. 

AHAHA okey tiba masanya untuk aku bercerita kisah lama, tak tau lah ia pure history or just some kind of very interesting story to be told, and pass down, but bila aku dengar cerita ni rasa excited sangat! AHAHAHA. 

Nak dijadikan cerita, zaman dulu, my ancestor ni nak kahwin, takda calon. Suatu hari tengah-tengah dia tangkap ikan di sungai camtu, dia dapatlah sekor ikan patin. Tapi ikan patin tu tiba-tiba jadi sorang perempuan. Hendak dijadikan cerita, maka berkahwinlah mereka ni. Dapatlah anak, berapa orang anak aku tak pasti. Tapi suatu hari ni, mereka bergaduh, dalam2 bergaduh, si suami pun kata, 'pulanglah engkau ke tempat asal kau!' Maka dengan sedihnya (mungkin) si perempuan ni pun kembali ke sungai dan jadilah ikan patin kembali. So dari hari tu, keturunan-keturunan dia ni pun dilarang untuk makan ikan patin, bukan diharamkan, hanya dilarang, kerana akan sakitlah kalau dimakan. Arwah nenek dulu memang berkeras jangan makan ikan patin, yang tu memang aku ingat dia pesan kat kitorang. Mungkin sebab pergaduhan tadi lah agaknya. AHAHA. Wallahualam. 

Dan cerita pasal ular pulak, yang ni lebih dekat sedikit dengan timeline nenek aku, moyang ke datuk kepada nenek aku ni dah ada isteri, isteri nya pun dah alhamdulillah mengandung. Samaada anak pertama, atau yang mana, aku pun tak clear sangat, tapi dapatlah anak kembar. Tapi kembar yang sangat pelik. Seorang baby manusia, dan 'seorang' lagi seekor ular hitam. Whoaaaaah. Ape jadahnya kan? Haaa, nak dijadikan cerita, ular yang dilahirkan tadi pun balik ke hutan. Tapi mak cik aku cerita dia sering datang balik nak tengok 'adik-beradik' dia, dan jugak 'keturunan' dia. Yang paling best bila mak cik aku cakap dalam satu gambar nenek kahwin dulu, ada sekor ular hitam kat tingkap dekat dengan pengantin. Orang lain tak kisah, and dia pun tak kacau, katanya nak tengok cucu kahwin camtu. AHAHA. Aku tak jumpa gambar tu lagi, ntah ada lagi ke tidak tak sure. Tapi kat rumah dulu dalam bilik nenek ada banyak gak bekas yang dianyam dari buluh yang macam kalau korang pernah nampak orang India main seruling and ular tedung slow2 naik dari bekas tu. Lebih kurang macam tulah bekasnya. Perghhh. Mistik kan?

Aku tak brapa pernah share ngan orang kot, tapi aku suka ular, sebab diorang panjang and comel je. AHAHA. Lagillah kalau yang warna cantik. Ular tedung tu nampak cam ganas, tapi bila dia bukak 'tedung' dia tu aku rasa cam cool gila! AHAHA. Ular yang sangat cool kot. Kawan aku kat UIA ada dua orang bela ball phyton, lagilah comel, ular sawa jenis kecil, excited plak tengok macam tengok gajah saiz cam kucing. AHAHAHA. 

Kalau dulu aku rasa kalau masok Hogwarts mesti nak masok Griffindor (perghhhh...) tapi sekarang mungkin aku tak kisah kalau masok Slytherin...AHAHAHAHA. Okay, semangat Harry Potter dah naik. AHAHA. Tapi itulah, tapi disebalik some cerita-cerita lama, mungkin ada kebenarannya. Kita tak tau kan? Bukan ada mesin masa nak siasat balik apa berlaku zaman dulu-dulu. Cerita ni pun nasib baik mak cik aku ceritakan kat aku. Sebab bapak tak pernah cerita kat kitorang. So aku balik rumah nanti aku nak tanyalah bapak aku ada ke tak nenek ceritakan kat dia. Serius excited weh!

Long lost relative???

p/s- jangan lah tuduh aku kolot ke, tak betul ke lepas ni. AHAHAHA. ni kan cerita aje. ;P 

Gejala 'LIKE'

Assalamualaikum semua! Apakah khabar anda hari ni? Harap-harap semua sihat hendaknya. :D So hari ni tengah2 scroll stream kat facebook tu aku terjumpalah sesuatu yang tak sedap aku pandang dari dulu. Aku panggil ni, gejala 'like'. Yes, kenapa 'like' pun boleh jadi gejala macam tak kena pulakkan. Mesti rasa, aku nye facebook, sukati aku lah nak like mana aku nak. Nak 'like' gambar lucah ke, nak 'like' status menarik ke, sukati aku lah! AHAHAHA. Normal, mesti ada yang tak suka ngan apa aku nak post ni. Tapi kalau korang baca dengan hati yang terbuka, mungkin akan paham tujuan post yang ni.

Ni yang aku nampak hari ni, aku malas nak cari yang dulu2, alang2 dah ada didepan mata, ambik segera jadi contoh.

Dah jadi resmi kita, mesti nak share news yang kita tau kan? baik di twitter atau di facebook. Baguslah kalau nah share stories, nothing wrong with that. Bagus kita share berita supaya orang lain tau perkembangan dunia. Jangan asyik2 berita gossip sudah....AHAHAHA...Tapi seperti yang diatas ni, yang kita tau ni adalah sah2 facebook kan, aku nak tanya, is there anything wrong with the picture? Something wrong, ada tak? Tau tak kenapa aku highlight yang 'like' tu. Tau kenapa? 

Kalau tak tau, baca balik apa status yang ditulis oleh tuan punya status ni. Kalau in real life, tengah-tengah korang pergi lepak-lepak kedai kopi terbaca news pasal benda-benda camni lalu dia bagitau korang, 'weh, ada family berlima ni kena bunuh kejam weh.' Apa reaksi korang? Ke korang dengan senang hatinya bagi thumbs-up? Atau korang cakap innalillah...? Mata lagi approprite, thumbs up? Ke 'innalillahi wainna ilaihi raji'un'? Jawab-jawab. Kalau korang bagi thumbs-up lah kan kat aku kalau aku bagitau korang cita macam ni, mesti kena maki ngan aku punyaa...maki elok-elok lah tanpa mencarut (baik ni!) ke kena tumbuk. 

Sebab tu lah aku panggil benda ni gejala 'like'. Nak like semua benda kalau boleh! Baca sekejap, rasa menarik, terus like. Sensitiviti tu ntah kemana. Kalau aku type kat facebook, 'hari ni aku sakit' pastu ramai like. Aku marah, pastu adalah mungkin sorang dua akan kata sakit tu menghapus dosa. Haaaa, niat kau nak like tu tadi takde kan macam tu? Tergamam satu satu. Daripada like status yang tak sepatutnya di 'like' apasalahnya doakan lah aku cepat sembuh kan, cakaplah leklok 'sakit tu menghapus dosa' takyah nak like. Because one thing, it's not funny, another thing, it wasn't suppose to be 'like'd. Sebab tu aku tak tulis status2 camtu kat facebook. I hate it if people klik like on that kinda statuses. 

Yes, orang kata it's my right to click or like anything I want, but we're talking about sensitivity here people. Macam situasi yang aku beri kat atas tu lah. IRL (that's In Real Life) takde kan korang buat camtu? So why the heck would some people 'like' status 'Lima sekeluarga ahli perniagaan dibunuh kejam awal pagi tadi di Sibu, Sarawak', or 'nenek saya baru saya kembali ke rahmatullah' or 'sakit gigi laaaa...' Bagi aku BS semua tu. Kalau korang kawan aku kat facebook mungkin perasan aku jarang tulis status, kat facebook tu tempat aku post gambar sikit but mostly link and nak tengok perkembangan kawan2 je. Aku komen je status diorang but kalau nak buat status sendiri aku pikir2 beribu kali. Aku lagi suka share anything kat twitter, kalo tak, kat blog ni lah. Panjang skit boleh tulis. 

So aku harap kalau korang paham it's not about the right, it's about sensitivity, korang berhati-hatilah kalau nak like status orang tu. Bukan aku sorang je yang komplen tau, ada ramai lagi. Sama ada diorang suarakan atau tidak aku tak taulah. Tapi sekarang aku dah suarakan, mana orang yang nak pakai apa aku cakap alhamdullillah, but kalau korang ada opinion korang sendiri ikutlah. Didn't harm me. Just so you know, when you like 'bad news' statuses, it implies you like it, you like that it occurs, so be careful. Don't abuse the 'like' button.

Bucket Lists

My bucket lists, things I hope to do before I die. I'll make a vision board out of this when I have time, But so far on here is just right I guess. I'll fit in more into this list from time to time. I have a lot of things I wanted to do but so far I can come up with this.  

1. Buy a bird, then set it free;
2. Fly first-class;
3. Travel far spontaneously;
4. Learn to play a guitar and piano;
5. Learn to dance a ballroom dance;
6. Watch symphony orchestra;
7. Be on TV;
8. Be in newspapers or magazine spread;
9. Ride a horse in full cowboy attire;
10. Own a bookstore;
11. Build my own snowman from real snow;
12. Live in Paris for some time;
13. Travel the whole of Italy;
14. Perform Hajj with family;
15. Read two books in a week, cover to cover;
16. Watch a meteor shower, or just a shooting star again (I've seen a shooting star once);
17. Have at least one published book;
18. Join a reality TV competition like The Amazing Race Asia;
19. Go fishing and catch at least one really big fish;
20. Travel to at least one country in every continents, including Antarctica;

Going Back To School!

Assalamualaikum! Terima kasih kerana masih sudi datang melawat blog aku yang sederhana saja ni :D. Mana yang baik tu kita ambil, mana yang 'kureng' naiknya tu kita jadikanlah sebagai satu pengajaran betul tak? 

Musim persekolahan semakin dah semakin hampir. Esok, dah sehari lagi sebelum musim persekolahan officially begins. Amacam? Ada yang excited tak? Maybe yang ada adik-adik yang baru first time nak masok zaman persekolahan tu mesti excited adik dia nak masok darjah satu. Aku dulu macam tu, aku call parents aku tanya adik perempuan aku tu camne pergi sekolah, menangis ke tak? AHAHAHAHA tapi nak menangis apanya kan, rumah aku tu sebelah sekolah je. Kalau cikgu kentut aku boleh dengar kot. AHAHAHA. Hiperbola okeh, paham-paham lah sendiri ;P

Lepas tu mungkin ada yang baru start tadika, perghh kalau tadika lagilah parah. Ada anak-anak yang siap lari lagi kejar mak bapak dia..AHAHAHA happens okay, mungkin sampai melekat2 kat kaki mak bapak don't want to let them go. Kalau anak akulah si Farid (yang first, ehem2) buat macam tu kat aku ngan isteri nanti mesti aku sebak, sayang betul anak aku ni kat kami berdua. AHAHA. Tak salah berangan, bukan angan kosong tau! But at some point they have to learn to survive on their own. It's a very important stage in their live, you don't them later on to be feed by you till you're old. You want them to take care of you when you're old.

Ada jugak yang lepas ni akan duduk untuk important exams, UPSR, PMR and SPM. Yes, adik lelaki aku akan duduk UPSR tahun ni, so memandangkan aku ada dirumah dalam masa tu, so insyaAllah aku boleh bantu dia untuk dapat keputusan yang baik. Aku harap2 dia at least dapat masuk MRSM Mukah yang baru tu, Tapi kalau dia dapat keputusan 5A (Ameen....) aku harap dia dapat masuk SBP, paling tidak my alma meter dulu, SMS Kuching. Kalau lagi terer, pergi lah semenanjung ke, where most of the tops schools are. Tapi adik laki aku ni macam liat sikit nak belajar -___- asyik nak main game aje. Kalau cepat belajar takde hallah ni banyak lagi benda tak tau nak main game tak henti-henti! Huh! So bagi budak2 UPSR, PMR, SPM, STPM, STAP and apa2 lagi exam penting, silalah belajar dulu, pulun betul2! Tak lama, setahun tu je pulun bebetul. Menguntungkan tau! Mak bapak pun tumpang bangga kalau korang berjaya.

Hmmmm...zaman aku sekolah dulu....time sekolah rendah dulu boleh kata aku ni popular jugak. AHAHAHA. Anak Tok Penghulu kan (perghh...bapak aku blom berpangkat datuk pun lagi AHAHA). Zaman sekolah rendah antara 'kejahatan' yang aku pernah buat ialah, escape perhimpunan sekali tapi kantoi, tapi acting skill aku dari dulu dah mantop so I pass it as 'kurang sihat' AHAHAHA. Aku ngan beberapa orang kawan aku ni sebenarnya nak try teori 'tak-pergi-perhimpunan-takda-orang-perasan-pun' tapi mungkin ada yang bagitau kot sebab aku kan popular, cikgu tak nampak muka aku mesti diorang 'risau' AHAHAHA. Lepas tu aku penah kurang ajar ngan seorang cikgu Matematik aku ni, punyalah keras kepala aku sampai cikgu tu marah, dia ketuk kepala aku kuat-kuat, blah dari kelas, pastu tak masuk mengajar maybe sampai seminggu. Tak lama lepas tu, cikgu tu pindah. Perghhh, penangan kerasnya kepala aku. Setahun matematik aku teruk, cukup2 sampai UPSR tu barulah elok, mungkin cikgu tu dah maafkan aku ;P. So dapat lah 5A, Alhamdulillah. Probably the sweetest moment in my life sebab jadi the first ever yang dapat 5A kat sekolah after 40 sumthing years back then. Sweet moment nak treasure ye, bukan nak brag. :) 

Bila masuk form 1, mungkin my darkest hour ever. First time berjauhan ngan family. Jauh amat, bukan boleh balik tiap2 minggu. Jauh kot Kuching ngan Mukah.Tapi masuk sekolah menengah aku jadi middle-class citizen je. Tak menonjol dari apa2 bidang. Awal2 tu result memang tak brapa baik tapi naik form 2 and form 3 result jadi semakin baik dan sekali lagi alhamdulillah dapat 8A PMR. Dengan usaha tau! Form 4 and Form 5 pun masih low-profile, struggle nak fit in dengan cool geng, tapi, mungkin aku tak sesuai dengan geng2 yang macam tu. AHAHAHA. And duduk dalam kelas nombor satu dulu is hard work. Semua nak bertanding antara satu sama lain. Sapa dapat highest paper ni paper tu. Aku selalu dapat highest Pendidikan Islam ngan Arab je (zaman baik :D) Upper Secondary tu memang sangat struggle, ten subjects, pure science punya aliran, phewww. Memenatkan! Dari form 4 lagi dah start kelas tambahan, so memang takda 'honeymoon' phase untuk kitorang, and memang cikgu dah bagitau siap2, form 4 is not honeymoon. But among all the subject I dreaded Additional Mathematics the most. AHAHAHA. Memanglah aku risau, abang aku dulu pernah dapat satu markah je untuk Add Maths, lepas tu senior pun cakap mencabar. Perghhh. Lepas tu Physic, lagilah, but on top of that, Sejarah, which prove to be the one subject make me one A short for straight A's in SPM. AHAHA. Yes, SPM aku 9A 1B, B tu Sejarah ;P. Mana taknya, dalam kelas sejarah kalau tak tido, aku sibuk melukis. AHAHAHA.

Itulah kisah aku secara ringkas nya. Terlalu banyak nak cerita sebenarnya. Mungkin lain kali. Tapi untuk semua, selamat kembali ke sekolah, selamat menongkah suasana baru, selamat berjaya dalam peperiksaan!

p/s- But seriously I don't miss school, I miss my friends that's it. ;P I miss my teachers too. But not the school in general, the experience everything. I just miss the people. AHAHA. 

Perangai Mahasiswa

Assalamualaikum. Aku baru tengok video bertajuk 'Detik Cemat Perhimpunan Mahasiswa 1 Januari 2012 di UPSI'. Aku baca dari blog Joegrimjow. Video tu boleh dapat di Youtube (klik sini).  Aku malas nak tunjuk kat sini. Aku tak nak bersedih setiap kali bukak blog. Serius, aku sedih bertambah kecewa dengan sikap segelintir mahasiswa yang beria-ia sangat nak tolak AUKU. Tapi aku pasti, mungkin 80% peratus daripada mereka yang join perhimpunan ni tak tau keseluruhan AUKU. Tau nak tolak yang diorang tak suka ja. Tau2 dah kata AUKU ni zalim. Betul, dalam video tu diorang ada sebut tolak kezaliman. So aku nak tanyalah kat korang2 yang baca blog aku ni. Btol ke AUKU ni zalim? Meh tengok rasional pengenalan AUKU (sebelum nak bantai betul2 AUKU ni) dari salah seorang yang memperkenalkan AUKU kpada kita, tak lain tak bukan, Tun Mahathir (klik je). 

Dah baca? Dah tau kenapa dulu diperkenalkan kepada kita AUKU ni? Kalau dah tu jadi rasional tak mahasiswa2 sekarang nak mintak balik, nak mintak pinda, nak tolah AUKU ni? Dah ada politik universiti, tu pun kadang2 aku dengar sampai get out of hand. Baru politik universiti bai...dah gaduh2 semua. Ni kan nak join politik luar? Nak join BN, nak join PKR. Padahal ramainya yang dapat biasiswa dan pinjam duit PTPTN. Nak sibuk2 berdemo buat hal? Aku yakin ada jalan lagi elok dan munasabah dari berdemo macam tu. Serious. Apa guna ada pertandingan debat antara universiti, pertandingan debat dalam universiti kalau tak dijadikan platform yang lebih sah dan adil dan tak menimbulkan masalah dari diguna? Apa guna kita berforum tak habis2 pasal Palestin bila isu dalam negara kita kurang forumnya? Lepas tu nanti nak salahkan pihak universiti atau kerajaan tak bagi peluang untuk jiwa-jiwa remaja yang kuat memberontak ni untuk menyuarakan pendapat. Dan bila dikasari oleh pihak polis sampai cedera nak salahkan polis pulak? Macam tu? Orang tak suruh berdemo, bila kena kasar sikit, nak salahkan orang lain. Ape cer weh logik mahasiswa tak betul camni?

Betul, at times kita kena fight for our right. Tapi bagi aku isu mahasiswa nak join politik luar ni, tak perlu sebenarnya. Serius tak perlu. Sebab tu orang dulu tak kisah sangat, diorang tau apa lagi penting berbanding orang sekarang. Tapi bila zaman dah jadi moden, semua orang nak bebas berkata, semua nak freedom, freedom memanjang tak abis2, lepas ni nak apa pulak? Freedom dari religion? Nauzubillahi min zaliq. Kita fight for what is important. 

Aku tau sekarang ni orang2 muda ramai yang tak suka kerajaan. Kawan aku pun ramai, aku tak kisah, buat apa aku nak cerita2 ngan diorang kan? Persahabatan tu lagi penting dari isu2 politik. Tapi bila aku tengok balik, orang kata kerajaan ni corrupt, tapi aku tak nampak pun PKR buat yang terbaik. Masih tahi di balas tahi. Kat twitter bukan main banyak lagi kutuk TV3, anjing kerajaan katanya. AHAHAHA. Media2 bertulis yang mainstream ni pun kena tempias macam tu jugak. AHAHA. Bullshit Utama katanya lagi untuk Buletin Utama TV3. Macam ni kah rakyat sekarang? Freedom kan. Nak shitty shitty everything pun tak kisah. 

Seriously, kalau korang ada kawan yang korang tahu tak sama persefahaman politik ngan korang, elakkan berbicara pasal politik, jangan sama sekali. Tak baik untuk persahabatan korang. I don't know why people tend to get so uptight when it comes to politic. So kalau aku nak kata apa bullshit, I think politic fits right. Serious aku tak suka. Tapi topik ni setiap hari setiap saat ada je timbul kat mana2, tak boleh diignore dah. Nak tak nak bacalah. Baca, faham, dan aku tengok dari perspective aku. 

Ni aku dapat dari MalaysiaKini, (klik untuk artikel penuh) katanya; 

"Golongan mahasiswa hari ini lebih rela mengeluarkan RM5 sejam untuk menyewa kereta Kancil untuk membawa teman wanita keluar makan di Sri Hartamas, daripada membeli majalah ilmiah sebagai bahan bacaan tambahan. Kenapa semua ini berlaku? Bukankah ia berpunca dari Auku yang menutup ruang untuk golongan mahasiswa ini berfikir dan bertindak dengan lebih luas lagi?"

Soalan aku, apa kaitan mahasiswa bawak perempuan dating dengan AUKU? Seriously, aku rasa author article ni mungkin ada point lain yang lagi munasabah, terlupa nak include, but this is not one of it. 

Aku teringat dulu, cikgu Add Maths aku ada bagitau, fungsi opposition adalah untuk balance kan balik kerajaan. One side aje memang tak bolehlah kan. Hukum fizik pun ada nyatakan, 'to every action, there is equal and opposite re-action.' Tu Newton's third law of motion. Bukannya fungsi opposition asyik nak condemn semua yang government buat. Yang betul tak nak puji. Yang salah dekeji-keji. Betul, aku ikhlas. Dan kalau korang tanya aku aku sokong siapa. Aku cakap aku sokong kerajaan. Apa aku nak takut kan? Sebab pada aku kerajaan buat yang the best untuk rakyatnya. And kalau anda penyokong opposition, anda mungkin tak setuju. Tapi tidak bersetujulah dengan cara yang elok. Bukan nak keji2 aku sebab aku sokong kerajaan. Respect my views, because I respect yours. 

What I don't agree is how the students react. I think this is too much. I respect your opinion. Sekian. 


[UPDATE] p/s- ni dia link untuk AUKU yang full (pindaan 2006, pindaan 2009 tak dpt full version). korang boleh baca apa yang ada sebenarnya dalam AUKU. Adil ke tak adil pada korang? Lepas tu save dalam laptop. Jangan tak tau apa2 join berdemo sebab nak tolak satu perkara saja dari akta tu. Ni diantara yang telah dipinda dari UTHM. Tapi tak full lah.

2011 In Memory, 2012 A Brand New Vision

Assalamualaikum 2012! Wassalam 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR untuk semua!

Jangan jeles! ;P

Buku untuk tahun 2011 dah ditutup secara rasminya di Malaysia. Harap disebalik laungan "Happy New Year' malam ni takda apalah yang tak berlaku...ameen... Tahun 2011 bagi aku bukanlah tahun terbaik. Yes, I have some of the best memories made in 2011, but I too succumb to my worst fear in the same year. Senang cakap, I experienced both extremes dalam tahun 2011, yang terbaik dan yang terburuk.

Apakah yang terbaik? 

Dah lama aku pendam impian nak pergi ke negara-negara Eropah. Dulu masa sekolah menengah memang berangan nak sambung blaja oversea you know, tapi apakan daya, bukan rezeki aku nak belajar dengan kawan aku di France or UK, atau pun di Jepun mahupun di USA. AHAHA so bila dapat pergi ke London and Paris in one trip I felt very lucky, despite aral melintang ditengah jalan, alhamdulillah one of my dreams came true in April. 

But the trip alone is not gonna give me sweet memory, it's the one accompanying me that really stays in my heart. Who? My studiomates of course! Here; credit goes to Ika sebab aku culik gamba2 ni dari facebook dia AHAHAHA. Aku lupa aku letak gamba2 aku dalam external HDD -___-" lupa nak bawak. So thanks Ika! 

The Ladies' man, bukan lady-like man okeh! AHAHA

Wajah2 yang aku rindu selalu...

Two of my bestfriends :) Aideel, Azam, Akram - 3A

Benda2 bodoh lucu macam ni lah aku rindu AHAHAHA 

Okay yang tu bolehlah dikatakan one of the sweetest moment in my life. But I had one of the worst this year tu. Penyakit. Penyakit apa, I don't think perlu bagitau kat sini dulu. Cukuplah aku dah tau there's something abnormal about my body that i should take care of. Nombor dua worst thing, I have to extend my studies. Yeah, memang nampak macam aku tak kisah nak extend setahun, taking a break. But deep in my heart aku sedih sebab kena extend lagi one year, and terpaksa berpisah dengan studiomates asal, and maybe nanti jumpa studiomates baru. Bagi aku it's not the best feeling. Although the one year break I'm currently having is very much needed to be with my family, to get back on track with my health and stuff, but still I hate the fact that I'm not going to be in the same studio with the my guys.

Bagi aku, mixing with new people is not that easy. Awal2 aku bercampur ngan diorang2 atas ni pun, semua ingat aku macam innocent giler AHAHAA padahal aku ni nakal dalam diam ;P. Aku biasa nervous bila nak bergaul dengan orang-orang baru. It's not always easy to meet new people. For me probably ten times of that of normal people AHAHAHA. Dulu kawan aku cakap aku ni probably sociophobic dengan cara aku behave dalam suasana ramai orang. Aku sebenarnya kurang senang dengan tempat ramai orang, especially majlis rasmi. So mungkin masa abang aku kahwin nanti aku kena siap2kan mental aku dulu. And lagi lah kalau aku yang nak kahwin. AHAHAHA.

So tu je, Selamat Tahun Baru 2012, kalau tahun lepas didn't go so well, work hard to make this year a fruitful one, the happier one, the better one, than the previous years okeh! Kita sama-samalah berdoa dan berusaha kearah itu. 

p/s- lama gila nak tulis post ni padahal sikit je pun, sebab sekejap mata aku tengon Inception, sekejap menulis balik, lepas tu pandang TV balik...AHAHAHA...

p/s #2- Aku akan come up with one post regarding my health after some test :) Jangan risau, probably nothing, probably aku just terlebih paranoid, yeahh, imaginasi aku kadang2 jadi satu aset, tapi kadang2 buat aku paranoid AHAHAHAHA.

p/s #3- AHAHAHAHA tu gelak internet aku, tableh lari dari tu daaaa...AHAHAHA