InsyaAllah tomorrow I will be heading to Johor, I will stay with my brother for a while until I sort everything out, with him, with my parents and everything. This is my first step of revealing what am I up to, with the hope that they will understand. I'm suffering alone, and I've read a self-help note from the internet not to shut myself alone, and it's not good to keep too many things to myself. And it is not AT ALL GOOD TO NOT SHARE MY PROBLEMS TO OTHER PEOPLE WHEN I'M DEPRESS. Depression can lead to committing suicide. I've been there, attempting to end my life, it's true. But I was lucky to snapped out of the idea that committing suicide will solve everything.
It's been a long time I keep the idea to myself, I let some people I'm comfortable with know a little bit about it, which helped me a little, I thanked them so much, no matter how rude they can be! AHAHA, yeah, not all people are supportive of the idea of quitting school, it's not that I don't like it there (in UIA), I love my time there, I feel like I'm apart of something big especially when my friends are around. They're like my second family, but I can't tell them everything of course, being in a tough courses, everyone has their own problem. Shunned again there.
I just hope that tomorrow will go well. I hope my brother will understand of my drastic decision, I will explain to him of my intention, and of my plan, and I will try to help him a bit here and there, I don't care, whatever it takes to make him a little bit okay with me 'taking a break' from school. I'm prepared, I talk to him on the phone just now, he said it's fine, I can go. He asked why, but I told him I'll tell him tomorrow instead. I am prepared. And he didn't ask much too, so I'm a little bit relieved. I had a staring competition with my phone before I finally hit the 'call' button.
I just want him and everyone to know that, I am a little bit depress, I really am, and I'll let you know when I'm feeling fine. You can read my tweet or my comments on twitter and facebook and say 'he's looking fine' but now I'm letting you know that, I wasn't. You think I'm running away, I will say no, I'm not running away, I'm trying to sort out my problems one by one. You think I'm making a not-so-thought-of-decision, seriously, I've been thinking for five months, how long should I be thinking?
But what you should know is, I'll be fine, I will be, I promise you that. And to all my studiomates who read this, I miss you guys so much, I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the ass, an asshole, or whatever you wanted to call me, I really am from the bottom of my heart, I love you guys nonetheless, you guys do great okay! To all of you; Akram, Aideel, Kamal, Punch, Kim, Fatin, Ika, Am, Nana, Anis Fadhilah, Anis Fatihah, Eja, Arinah, Ami, Ummi, Kak T, Kak Mas, Kak Syatus, Kak Q, Maryam, Kekek and Tikashi; I miss you guys, I love you guys always. I will return someday. :)