Crossroads

There was a poem I studied in secondary school, about the two roads to choose from. I can't remember the title of that poem.

I am at the crossroads of my life. There are options I have to choose from, one of the options would be my final decision. It's always hard to make a big decision in life, especially for yourself. But what kind of situation it is differs. A woman might find it easier to say 'Yes' to a proposal while another woman might hesitated. A guy might find it easier to move to another place for a job offer while another guy had to turn it down because he find it hard to move some place new, no matter how cool the job is.

And for me, it is all about my study. To continue, or to not continue it.

Why?

I am always passionate of the world of design, architecture and arts. Passionate to look at the architectural style of a building, I'm always intrigue by artistic expressions on canvas and other artworks, and I love to draw buildings, people, and sometimes fashion. I am passionate of that. But to me, it was relatively new. I didn't fall in love with architecture until I finish SPM, before the results were out that is. I have another passion I kept to myself, which is writing.

There are times in our lives we didn't realize what we're capable of. I was in a science school, I was taught to focus more on science subjects like physics, biology, and chemistry and also mathematics. Thank god I was doing exceptionally well in that field. I thought writing was mere hobby back then. I keep a journal as one of the English task, I wrote almost everything in it, my dreams, my experience. And I also read a lot, which really helped me to improve my English writing skills, speaking not so much though.

When I was 13, I wrote a novel which was actually meant to be read solely by myself because it was loosely written based on a true event about me. It was love triangle story I wrote in Malay. It was my first 'novel'. I wrote it in a large exercise books, of thirteen chapters if I'm not mistaken. I lost the book. And naturally people read it, I don't know how many people but I know there are a few of my seniors read that (because they found the book lying around in the cafeteria).

And time after time I wrote short stories, join a few competition in school (one time I got third place) and wrote a little more for myself (and obviously leaked again, found by a teacher). I didn't stop there though, I wrote outlines of novels I wanna write. And I've read a few Harry Potter books which inspires me a lot to write. But still, at that time I never thought to pursue a career in that direction, never did I thought of wanting to be a writer. At my graduation, I was proud to say I'm going to be a film director. Funny how thing goes, really.

And now I'm actually considering to be one, but I don't have any English diploma or degree to back me up.

VS

I want to think writing is natural to me.

If this is my calling, then this is what I want to do. And I feel that, this is my true calling.

And that makes a reason to choose between to continue studying landscape architecture, or to not study landscape architecture. I don't want to be in the institution anymore, that's all I know. If I pick to continue, I will be affected, but others would still be pleasant. If I pick not to, I'll be happy, but I don't think the others would (the others here means my family and friends).

Seriously, I'm picking 'not to'.

I've ask a few friends about it. They wanted me to tell my parents the truth, of what I've been thinking.

I really wanted to do that, and really quick.

That will determine whether I'm boarding the plane this Sunday, or not.

I am at the crossroads of my life.