Home And Ready To Roll

When I was on the train to Kempas Baru, Johor to visit-neyy, stay with brother for a while, there were so many things going on in my head. Of how my parents would react (especially this), how my brother would react, and worst, am I doing the right thing? I shake the latter off, I know I'm doing the right thing, I won't doubt myself anymore. That was just a small step, SMALL, but IMPORTANT first step. Alhamdulillah, my brother helped me through that moment, he spoke to my parents about it, my parents in turn were fine about it, they just thought I should have told them sooner, but still they fully support my decision. I'm really grateful for that. So now I have no reason to fail, or to back out, or to laze around. I have one year, and that one year I will make sure I'm on schedule, researching and writing at the same time.

So now I'm home, I'm really glad to be back. My cat had given birth to four beautiful kittens, I don't know how many boys, or girls (erk?) but I'm really happy anyway. Three orange-white, one black-white, really cute. I'm gonna take pictures tomorrow, their eyes were still closed. Home is always the best, now with internet connection it will help me a lot doing work.

So that's for now, I'm a little bit tired, will update you guys with more things really soon :) See ya! And thanks for reading!

A Little For My STUDIOMATES

InsyaAllah tomorrow I will be heading to Johor, I will stay with my brother for a while until I sort everything out, with him, with my parents and everything. This is my first step of revealing what am I up to, with the hope that they will understand. I'm suffering alone, and I've read a self-help note from the internet not to shut myself alone, and it's not good to keep too many things to myself. And it is not AT ALL GOOD TO NOT SHARE MY PROBLEMS TO OTHER PEOPLE WHEN I'M DEPRESS. Depression can lead to committing suicide. I've been there, attempting to end my life, it's true. But I was lucky to snapped out of the idea that committing suicide will solve everything.

It's been a long time I keep the idea to myself, I let some people I'm comfortable with know a little bit about it, which helped me a little, I thanked them so much, no matter how rude they can be! AHAHA, yeah, not all people are supportive of the idea of quitting school, it's not that I don't like it there (in UIA), I love my time there, I feel like I'm apart of something big especially when my friends are around. They're like my second family, but I can't tell them everything of course, being in a tough courses, everyone has their own problem. Shunned again there.

I just hope that tomorrow will go well. I hope my brother will understand of my drastic decision, I will explain to him of my intention, and of my plan, and I will try to help him a bit here and there, I don't care, whatever it takes to make him a little bit okay with me 'taking a break' from school. I'm prepared, I talk to him on the phone just now, he said it's fine, I can go. He asked why, but I told him I'll tell him tomorrow instead. I am prepared. And he didn't ask much too, so I'm a little bit relieved. I had a staring competition with my phone before I finally hit the 'call' button.

I just want him and everyone to know that, I am a little bit depress, I really am, and I'll let you know when I'm feeling fine. You can read my tweet or my comments on twitter and facebook and say 'he's looking fine' but now I'm letting you know that, I wasn't. You think I'm running away, I will say no, I'm not running away, I'm trying to sort out my problems one by one. You think I'm making a not-so-thought-of-decision, seriously, I've been thinking for five months, how long should I be thinking?

But what you should know is, I'll be fine, I will be, I promise you that. And to all my studiomates who read this, I miss you guys so much, I'm sorry I've been such a pain in the ass, an asshole, or whatever you wanted to call me, I really am from the bottom of my heart, I love you guys nonetheless, you guys do great okay! To all of you; Akram, Aideel, Kamal, Punch, Kim, Fatin, Ika, Am, Nana, Anis Fadhilah, Anis Fatihah, Eja, Arinah, Ami, Ummi, Kak T, Kak Mas, Kak Syatus, Kak Q, Maryam, Kekek and Tikashi; I miss you guys, I love you guys always. I will return someday. :)

Short Notes 2

Seriously, I'm depressed.

Of course I am. I feel like the world is conspiring against me.

I'm depressed.

Home

I can't think of anywhere else; 'Home by Westlife'

Another summer day,
Has come and gone away,
In Paris and Rome,
I want to go home,
Mmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by,
A million people I,
Still feel all alone,
I just want to go home,
Oh I miss you, You know,
And I've been keeping all the letters,
That I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two,
I'm fine baby how are you,
Well I would send them but,
I know it's that it's just not enough,
The words were cold and flat,
And you deserve more, Than that,


Another aeroplane,
Another sunny place,
I'm lucky, I know,
But I want to go home,
I've got to go home,
Let me go home
I'm just to far,
From where you are,
I've got to come home,
Let me come home,
I've had my run,
Baby I'm done,
I want to come home,

And I feel just like,
I'm living,
Someone else's life,
It's like i just stepped outside,
When everything was going right,
And I no just why you could not come along with me,
'Cause this was not your dream,
But you always believed in me,

another winter day,
Has come and gone away,
In either Paris and Rome,
And I Want To Go Home,
I miss you, You know,

Let me go home,
I've had my run,
Baby I'm done,
I want to go home,
Let me go home,
It'll all be alright,
I'll be home tonight,
I'm coming back home.

from: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Home-lyrics-Westlife/5476412277BD0C7948256DCD002BFC24

Undisclosed 3.0

I really miss HOME,

I wanted to go back, but how do I tell them that?

My heart is not here,

My heart was left at home the moment I left the house.

Undisclosed 2.0

Where ever I am,

This is not a place I wanted to be at,

I want to go home,

There's only one home.

Undisclosed

I have to prove to myself I'm capable of living alone.

Where I am of what I do is not important. I might not be back to a place I once love, but now a place I want to stay away from. I missed my friends, of course I am, but I wont blame them if they didn't consider me as one back. I wronged them so much. But there will be a day I'll find all of them, and tell them how sorry I am.

This is for now.

But you can find me on twitter.